Chaotic

Gabrielle--


This is very weak. You have four scenes where you encounter emotion and they aren't particularly interesting either in isolation or in combination.

At the end, what's the reader to think - "Gee, emotions generate diffeent moods at different times."

Nothing new, surprising or thought provoking here.


Take care,
Brad


PS: Consider reviewing others' poetry here before making any further posts.

Actually, pandora, many poems are written without punctuation marks, and they're beautiful. It's all how you use it.

Gabrielle, this is interesting... yet it seems somewhat bland to me. There's no imagery. The repetition is either slightly annoying or slightly effective (I haven't decided which), although I like how you change it slightly each time. I'd like to encourage you to change them a little more. Don't be afraid to step away from form.

The last stanza was a bit wordy, in my opinion. Overall, the word choice wasn't very spectacular, and it didn't really pull me in. Try looking for words that better grasp the concept you're trying to portray. And remember - you want to make the reader feel what you're writing. You want them to connect with it, even if they've never gone through it. Make us interested. Pull us in. Capture our attention and take us along for the ride.

I think it's a good start, but you could do so much more with it! Play around with it. Drafts are okay - in fact, you'll never get better if you never revise! So have fun, and try to pull us into your poem.

This is nice, but I'm not sure it should be written without any puncuation marks...
Pandora