What meets the eye

Geez, when did critiques become so harsh? A little encouragement wouldn't go amiss, rather than just saying it's bad.
Ahem. Anyway.
I do agree that the rhyming was forced - remember that poetry doesn't need to rhyme at all, I think what is more important is the rhythm, because at the moment it doesn't flow too well in my head. The concept itself however, did hold my attention, I think if you were to build on it a little, you would get the reader's attention and make them think "girl you are right, he was a *insert insult/expletive here*!" Try focusing on a few key lines and building on those ideas. Provoke a reaction. Keep at it

Now, i do not usually like poetry. Some poems bring tears to my eyes out of boredom (ok, slight exaggeration, but you get the picture). This, however, i found quite interesting. As someone who does not usually write poetry, i thought this was very good. I am not going to attempt to properly criticise it though, as i can't write poetry to save my life. I did think some of the rhyming was slightly cheesey, and the rhythm was a bit off, but that's about it. It did, however, grasp my interest. As someone who obviously does not write poetry myself, i appreciate that it must have been difficult to make the transition from story writing (i assume thats what you did) to poetry, so i admire you for it. Ok, i'm babbling on here, i haven't got a clue what i'm talking about as all you die hard poetry fans can see! I will end it here, but good job!

Hi _fallingstar_,


I've read ECGs more interesting than this.

I have no idea why you attempted to roll out your narrative in some sort of summary, but it doesn't appear to be a structural element of the piece overall.

The narrator seems upset that, as a woman, she is marginalized in man's eye.

So what?


Best,
Brad

I dont agree lillizard- for someone who doesnt usually write poetry this is pretty good. I think the preoccupation with rhyming is the problem really; your rhythm is quite strong in the beginning but gets thrown out by trying to squeeze in a rhyming word. Poetry doesnt have to rhyme! If I were you, I'd take this whole idea and rework it in a free-style format. You might be surprised by what happens.

AHHK!!!
I'm sorry, but that wasn't a very good poem at all. The ryhming was forced, and the rythm was atrotious. You've really got to work more on your poetry skills. Even for someone who doesn't like poetry, this is not very good.

And then I found out what kind of magazines he read

But then reality came and hit me like a club