Lucid dreams abduct the veneer
For there are things worse than death
When in your restless mind, escape isn’t near
Illusion paralyzes and reality takes its breath
And they were parked parallel
in my diagonal universe
Looking for souls to sell
to the non comprehending seekers
Coaxing me to surrender
And taste something so sweet, it digests to sour
Touching me so tender
Unfortunately it didn’t last more than an hour
But lucid dreams allow absolution
They are but dreams, with high embracing frequency.
politicaltinkerbell--
This is way over-the-top with its larger-than-life "diagonal universes" and "souls to sell." Trying to be profound rarely coincides with actually being profound.
As for the rest of this: well, the poem says nothing we don't already know about lucid dreaming. It reduces to long-winded definition that really doesn't generate interest on the part of the reader.
Better luck next time,
Brad
Ah, I love this one. Okay, so there are a lot of parts which I don't understand so well, but that tends to be the way with me and poetry, or at least good poetry. 
I especially like this line:
Illusion paralyzes and reality takes its breath
Unfortunately it didn’t last more than an hour
BFG wrote:Some wonderful phrases here, but the style and structure of the poem needs to be more cohesive and determined. It wanders about so randomly... to make the poem lucid you need to construct it as a whole better.
Some wonderful phrases here, but the style and structure of the poem needs to be more cohesive and determined. It wanders about so randomly... to make the poem lucid you need to construct it as a whole better.
I had a lucid dream last night ^_^.
Anyways, loving the poem. Not much I can say (although I'd be the first to admit that I can't crit poetry ).
politicaltinkerbell wrote:and they were parked parallel
in my diagonal universe
Once again I am flawwless, I can sink in your words, so soft an mellow yet so complicated they are
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