Incandescence

Sara, Good to see your stuff again. It keeps getting better in a random walk. Kill the first two lines. Give "Curses spat in the kitchen sink, / spilling out ...

Ofour, Perhaps you were trying for some sort of Emily Dickinson simplicity and charm? Despite its shortcomings, of which Colleen has already noted, there is no shortage of people who ...

Cameron -- I can't help but feel you pulled this from an essay: the language is overwrought with purple descriptions ("Despotic power wielded") and overmodified to such a degree that ...

Jesise, This: "He dreamed about the stars at night, And how the world went round. All of his dreaming led to great discoveries." is enough to trigger the gag reflex ...

toadrules007- This is pretty standard beginner's work. The best advice I can give you is to stop writing poetry that automatically bores your reader. You can do this by avoiding ...

Hi, bubbles5, I don't see how the premise in S1 is resolved in any fashion by the end of the poem. In fact, that's an adequate summary of the rest ...

parker-c-penne: Parts of this, such as: "I feel you pulsating, in the wilderness. Lost in a frenetic dream, Falling into oblivion. " make absolutely no sense at all. I suspect ...

ShadowTwit, Is this an English class assignment? It reads like a homework project that is supposed to delve into poetry but fails on more than one account. It features include ...

3-Damentional, This is not your virtual diary. When you admit this "sucks" (that's an understatement), I wonder what compelled you to share it with us in the first place? The ...

Beautiful Angelic Goth - How nice, a proasaic tour of history. One of the problems of this piece (though not by a long shot the worst) is the nature of ...

Bob - I am late to arrive to this piece, though I hope you still find my sleight of pen helpful. Best, Brad Edit: After going to sleep last night, ...

Cameron-- I do not share the other's difficulty understanding the sequence of events. That said, even without necessarily "getting it," their comments have been largely accurate. This reads like an ...

Shallowdepth -- This reads more like a "write in iambic pantemeter" exercise than it does a poem in iambic pantameter. I also wonder why the structure of the sonnet exists ...

Foreseer, This might well be a contender in the Bulwer-Lytton contest. The two "it" in L4 of S2 is referring to--what? The clouds, or the skies, or something else altogether? ...

Guys, Thanks for the suggestions. I ditched the seasonal musings and tried to tighten the light imagery. Anyway, here's my second draft based on the suggestions you gave me. Best, ...