Published March 13, 2007
I searched for the holy father,
The mighty divinity;
I found my God in a mirror,
He was smiling back at me.
I looked for the deepest of truths,
For the purest way to see;
I saw a simple way of life,
Hiding away inside me.
I sought out myself in others,
To find out what I could be;
But when I looked, I found in them
Just a reflection of me.
I found my God in a mirror,
Where I thought he would not be;
There is no need to question now,
For all answers lie in me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,248 Literary Works • 674,336 Reviews
hmmm, shadowtwit... he is supposed to be omnipresent, so arguably he is within us. And if all answers lie in him, and he is within us, then all answers are within us.
Actually, the first thing that came to mind on reading this was Narcissus: "I found God in a mirror"
But God is not within us, and not all answers lie in us.
Surprisingly not, I think you need to read deeper into this poem: I do not say that I am God, merely that I found God within me. There is no disrespect here whatsoever.
Rather disrepectful and irreverant, don't you think, Ofour?
I mean, dosn't that shout "untrue" aloud to the skies? The rhyming and everything was well done, but the sunject was not.
-ShadowTwit
Ofour,
Perhaps you were trying for some sort of Emily Dickinson simplicity and charm?
Despite its shortcomings, of which Colleen has already noted, there is no shortage of people who will think this is sweet and wonderful. Matty Stepank probably had more admirers than Kunitz.
Best,
Brad
The rhyme and rhythm were a nice touch, however simple. Just one rhyme problem:
This is awkward and not true rhyme because the accent is not on the last syllable in divinity. Just having the last syllables both having "e" sounds doesn't make the words rhyme.
I'd add an "of" after "inside" for the sake of rhythm. A question, though, how does a way of life hide inside of someone? What is the significance of a simple way of life? You might want to take that out, or expand on it.
It's a cute idea, but it's carried out in sort of a childish way, as in, singsongy and not very subtle. It has its own charm in that, but perhaps you should experiment with free verse. Make it about a specific event; it was a Tuesday night, it was raining, it was snowing, the speaker looked in the mirror and realized something. What made the speaker realize this? What did the speaker do about it?
Colleen