Ieatworms

Read this one at open mike, but change the title. It's beautiful.

The repetition and rhyming sequences were a bit too Suessical to me. However, you did leave me with questions dangling, and that is a good thing. Why can't you? Who ...

I felt immediately like I knew what you were talking about. "in this myopic sphere." That's a great way of capturing both the visual and emotional impact of being so ...

Excellent! Nothing else to say.

I feel dumb.

It is very rare for me to post this statement, but: I don't get it.

Very Elizabeth Barret Browning. :)

I felt like you left it dangling, like there was more you wanted to say, but didn't. I guess the ending was abrupt in light of the longer opening.

I'm not surprised this won awards, etc. I sounds like the kind of thing that's read at a graduation. Yes, it could use some polishing.[code][/code]

Your title gave it away. I wasn't amused. It wasn't scandalous enough to be dramatic, and it was too predictable to be funny. (PS. By the time she was a ...

"Chewed home to jagged pieces" is the reference point for "You were home once."

You use details to paint your picture very well. I like how your voice remains innocent in tone ("I like"... "pink eyeshadow"...) but your situations are anything but. My favorite ...

An interesting perspective. Good division of sound and lines. I'd work on clarity a bit. (But then, I'm lazy and don't liked o think too hard.)

You expressed yourself very well. This could stand a little editing for grammar and spelling, but you've set the framework for a very strong poem.

Back away from the thesaurus. Really, when a writer gets heavy-handed with mulitsyllabic words, it breaks the rhythm, looks over-wrought, and is uninviting. If you are aiming for a more ...