Published September 30, 2005
I wanted to write
Something deep and profound
To take me and my life
And my pen and just write
I wanted to be
The best of the best
Have everyone cheering
for me. Not the rest.
I wanted to win
To succeed just the once
See there proud, smiling faces
Peer up from the crowd
‘Cause they never believed
They never knew
They never knew
What this girl could do
They’re the ones who
Have just held me back
Have stopped me launching
My best attack
They’ve spent the years
Searing it into my brain
That I’ll never do well
That it never just rains
But it pours and it pours
And all just for me
All ‘cause of me
The rain and the storms
So this little ditty’s
For all those that thought
That my pointless life
would amount to nought
This cluster of words
mayn’t be clustered so well
But I clustered them
And I’m doing just swell
Don’t smile at me
As you wander past
Thinking “loner” “loser”
What would you know?
About what I’ve been doing
Who I am
Who I’ve been
It’s been a few years
You’ve changed
Same with me
So this little ditty
is did just for you
I may not be on top
But I will be soon
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
I think this poem was great! It actually made me smile (not at you,), but I like how some of it was ryming, and the rest was more serious. Although it was a bit repetetive, I think it was very good!!!
nice! it reminded me of a dr. suess poem because of the sing- song rhyming, but at the same time it seemed serious and meaningful. i like how it seems light hearted, almost like a childrens poem, but really its much deeper...
Wow, this a great poem. You can edit it a bit, but its great how it is.
Good work!
I really do love this poem, I think it describes everybody in some way or another and that anybody who reads this can relate to it, everybody has had somebody say they would amount to nothing and you have managed to put this on "Paper", really great job, there are just a couple of things.
I really liked the beginning, but like forest_ofthe_nightingale asked was it ment to rhym? It is good it just seems a little out of place, really grabed my attention though.
Just asking was it meant to be 'the once' or 'this once'
other wize i loved it
just to set thinks strait, i am not trying to be mean but though this i feel like this poem decribes, i dont alouw anyone to tease or ully me
This is a wonderful poem, and I think many writers can relate to this. Most of us are teased or are bullied just because we can WRITE.
Writers are the spinners of tales and the benders of truth...
This poem gave me goosebumps! i just looked at it randomely to see if lyric poetry has to ryme, you will go far if you keep at it! this is exactly how i feel, i love being a loner though not in a creepy way. people think i am like they think of you they just see a "shy" girl there is a diffrence! i am not shy i just am quet and will not blurt out meaning lessly. this poem describes me exactly! i bet you dont believe me, i wouldnot believe you felt like that if you had met me before, but you wrote this seemingly be yourself, in my opinion it is perfect!
I liked this. It had a great flow to it.
You expressed yourself very well. This could stand a little editing for grammar and spelling, but you've set the framework for a very strong poem.
I liked how you really poured yourself- and your feelings- into this poem. I liked the emotion, but there are a few things you can fix.
Did you mean to rhyme there? It's hard to pull off a single rhyme among non-rhyming phrases. I reccomend you change one of the words ("rest" would probably be easier to find a different word for) for a smoother flow.
Also, some italics can be good, but if you have a lot of them close together, it can ruin the effect. get it?