GryphonFledgling

This was fabulous. Seriously. Your choppy style was fantastic for a cat, or for any kind of animal. It was so simplistic and easy to follow, but yet mature and ...

When humanitiy is no longer humane "humanitiy" = "humanity" Man's essential illness Making the minds of the world a big mess. These two lines don't appear to relate to the ...

This was an engaging read and quite fabulously written. Squallz caught everything that I noticed, so I won't bother repeating what has already been said. Now for praise. Your descriptions ...

This was beautiful, but very short. Also, I don't think it belongs in lyric poetry. It doesn't seem to have any particular rhythm and is not organized in poetry format. ...

You mention the mother's pantleg in the picture, then you talk about the horse and carriage. I echo everyone else in that I have no idea what time period this ...

This was an intriguing first chapter. You use description very well. However, in the first few paragraphs, you describe pain, but not the causer of it. In all honesty, my ...

This was so clever. I always hated the evil stepmother stereotype and you do a smashing job of murdering it. The only complaint I had was at first, you talk ...

*dies laughing* This was just so frickin' funny. It was definitely riddled with writing errors, like scene changes and junk, but it was irrelevant to the story. Hey, rules were ...

You have what appears to be an interesting beginning. However, for all your descriptions, you don't really have any story here. Tell us why this group has come here. Show ...

This was interesting. I don't see many present-tense pieces that I like, but you wrote this so well that I didn't even notice that it was present-tense until I read ...

You do tell more than you show, as Valor pointed out. Instead of even showing it the way she suggested, perhaps you could actually take us through Severis's (answer honestly: ...

Okay, first of all, I'm going to say that you have an interesting beginning here. I want to know what has brought the character to this. In that respect, you ...

This was really vague. Your language was pretty, but I didn't really know what you were talking about. A guy lost his girlfriend? Was she crazy and he was disillusioned? ...

I think your descriptions of the two men were just fine, since it sets them in contrast. I loved the way you talked about their timing and so on and ...

Hello there... This was intriguing. Chocolate? Need? *scurries off to find chocolate* *back* No seriously, this was actually almost comical in its own way. He is so desperate. Anyway, everyone ...