I roll down my car windows as I’m driving down one particular road on my way home. The wind breezes through my hair as I lean my head to the left, letting the strands whip my face. My worries are thrown into the back as the sun’s evening rays warm my face and chest.
I have one hand resting on the wheel and the other stretched out to the side, into the wind. My fingers involuntarily curl and uncurl, trying to catch a hold of the wisps of warm air embracing my hand. I start tapping the wheel to the radio, and soon I’m singing along as I gaze out into the fields. I feel contentment – delight even, as I allow nature to wrap its arms around me, my head resting on its chest. I turn forward and take in the road ahead of me, the sign gliding past me, the brown horse raising its head to gaze at me.
A smile slips onto my sunlit face and I feel untouchable freedom – my moment. The sky, the clouds, the way the sun bounces off of the green fields, it’s all beautiful.
Tobacco fields on both sides of the road let me know that I’m almost home. My favorite road only lasts for a couple of minutes, but when I’m on it at my favorite time of day, I’m flying.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I don't even think this is poetry. A short story but not poetry.
First off It isn't wrote in a normal kind of poetry form. I think you should of put it under a story not a poem. But my opinion which i would of done.
Sorry that i am rough i am not trying to be mean here just telling you what i think. So if you have any questions feel free to PM me anytime. I might not be answering it in a while but i will answer you as fast as possible.
Have a good day!!! SimonCowellLuver @--->--->----
No, smorg, I wouldn't define it as prose-poetry either. And yes, RIP could be a prose-poem if I took the line breaks out, which I've considered doing. I just don't like it when people flip and go, "This can't be a poem because it doesn't have line breaks."
Alfletcher, consider that. I see this more as prose. So think about the "poetic" quality of your piece.
Well, Cade, I'm not sure this would fit snugly in even the most expansive definition of "prose poetry". But obviously, there is such a thing... (And this *hint hint* is a good example of it... RIP)
I really do like the sentiment in this story, and I encourage you to go further with this! I think we've all been in a similar spot, but I really haven't read a poem/story that tackles this subject before. (Disclaimer: I'm sure there is one...) This is a really great opening to a story, or close to a complete poem if you format it right.
But it is close, I think it gives the read a nice warm feeling which somewhat cancels out a lack of plot. Not completely though, so I encourage you to throw in some extra stuff; someone you meet, a past memory that this experience brings back, or what this memory entails. for you. As Cade wrote, and as is said on so many occasions, it's not merely good enough to state the emotion, you have to explain the significance.
To all: There is such a thing as prose-poetry. It can be legitimately posted in the poetry section.
alfletcher--What do you really want to SAY with this? We all know the feeling, the summer sunset country happy sort of feeling. You've done a good job evoking that. But you need to expand. You've got the first part down; you can use description to inspire memory or a certain emotion in your readers. But how do you apply that emotion? That memory? Why should we care?
-Colleen
I've totally been there too - I love those sort of days, and there's nothing better than driving by all those fields in an open car. Lovely description, but I agree with the other posters - this probably doesn't belong in this section.
Thanks for sharing!
I like your poem. Very uhmm narrative maybe?
But I think it doesn't belong in the lyric poem.
It's more of a narrative poem or maybe the one labeled 'other poetry'
Moreover, you are very creative in writing.
You're doing a good job.
And you're a new member. I am too. Welcome! and I'll welcome myself too!
LOL!
This was beautiful, but very short. Also, I don't think it belongs in lyric poetry. It doesn't seem to have any particular rhythm and is not organized in poetry format. Perhaps 'other fiction' might be a better choice.
Overall, you could add a little more to the story. Where has this person been that they are driving home? But your descriptions are beautiful, and at a cursory glance (all I really have time for) I do not spot any grammar errors.
Congratulations, you have a great writing style and much talent. Welcome to YWS!
Remember to keep your works at a ration of 2 reviews:1 post. It benefits everyone in the community. So get reviewing!
Welcome once more!
~GryphonFledgling