GryphonFledgling

I liked it. I was always a Brothers Grimm fan, so this was right up my alley. The thrice reversal of the sisters was interesting. It wasn't quite what I ...

I was a little confused the entire time. They have school on a ship? And there's magic? I liked your writing. Your style was really great. But I really was ...

Nice beginning. I liked your language. You have a very pretty style. I loved the little details, like the fact that the glass is expensive. I still feel like I ...

My only problem is that the last line doesn't really seem to work with the rest of it. It doesn't have quite enough syllables and you have to say it ...

This chapter does quite a bit of telling rather than showing. How about, instead of just telling us about what the men and women talk about, you take us through ...

Interesting. People don't generally voice thoughts when they are in the middle of a life or death struggle. When Momo looks down at the drop, you could have her swear, ...

There were some punctuation errors, but nothing too major. My main concern is how quickly you get the story started. You begin right when the conflict really begins, rather than ...

I agree that perhaps this could benefit from punctuation, or more consistent punctuation, since you seem to have a little. "the bakery guest moans" = this seems a little awkward ...

Wow. I really liked this. Very thought-provoking and emotional. My only question: how did he do the transferring of his jacket, etc. while he is running? It seems like it ...

I'm afraid I can't help you with the mechanics of the poem... Poetry not being my strong point and all... However, I really did like reading it. I was a ...

Hmmm... I was a bit confused. The beginning starts out with Naomi being confused as to where she is and Kyle being all apologetic about it being a mistake. Then ...

I agree that it does do a bit of telling rather than showing. Perhaps, if you were to take one more line after each of the images you present and ...

I liked it. It sounds like me and poetry. Not exactly my preferred style of writing... But you did a fantastic job here. You had a great rhythm going and ...

Whoa... William's story was so pitiful and sad... My heart just went out to the poor guy. It was kind of shocking too. Nice effect there with the last line. ...

This was kind of short, but it had so much potential. Couldn't' you make it a little longer? Tell us what these sentiments are that the author is bringing to ...