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Re: Jealousy
Hi PaperCrane, Shut up. Writing that joke of a poem is one thing, but trying to defend such nonsense is quite another. Let me clue you in: You don't know ...
Nov 9, 2010 -
Re: Untitled (Maybe Saturday Mornings?)
Hi Persephoneia, This is the epitome of mediocre. The weird pseudo-apathetic plodding only runs the message of this poem into the dirt like a rut on a rainy day, and ...
Nov 6, 2010 -
Re: To Live is to Die
Hi StreetRat, I realize this is pretty short, but it pretty much summed up how I it's cool. No, it's really not. I'm getting a bunch of haphazard descriptions with ...
Oct 21, 2010 -
Re: I Guess This is Good Bye
Hi DannielleLovesong, Have you listened to Taylor Swift or Demi Lovato recently? I'm asking because this sounds exactly like the sugar-fattened nonsense with which their songs are stuffed, only... the
Oct 21, 2010 -
Re: Sometimes
Hi Lauren2010, You seem to alternate between decent imagery and useless description - pseudoimagery, as I call it. It turns this poem into an earthquake that raises the land to ...
Sep 21, 2010 -
Re: Perception
Hi Firearris, This is... bad. If your goal was to create an utterly useless scrambled-egg concoction of words and link them up through pseudo-emotions like "Disgusted I am" and "anger ...
Sep 21, 2010 -
Re: VII
Hi Kyllorac, This is basically a loaf of bread. What you've done is take some consumable elements, put them together, heated them up via some imagery, and then shoved the ...
Sep 16, 2010 -
Re: Uncertanties
Hi m0734427, The indulgence of improper conversation creates insecurities. I am hard-pressed to find, in the whole of the poetry section here on YWS, a line more devoid of life ...
Sep 14, 2010 -
Re: Graduation
Hi LaurynMitchell, This isn't working out. Listen. If you want to portray a "two-sides-to-every-coin" type of poem, then it might be helpful to actually talk about the two sides rather ...
Sep 14, 2010 -
Re: Rebirth
Hi Lil_Pau, I'm going to quote some of the especially nonsensical images in this otherwise "serious" poem. Here we go: breathing in scents of night, starlight and human Voices sang ...
Sep 10, 2010 -
Re: If home is where the heart is, my home's with you.
Hi Ray112, One thing you need to realize, and realize fast, is that the same vapid and thoughtless twangy lost-love cliche that works in songs in fact does not work ...
Sep 10, 2010 -
Re: All Sorrow Dispelled with a Smile
Hi singdawg, Your main problem dwells in the fact that you raise potentially interesting images and then cut them down in adolescence, before they have a chance to actually prove ...
Aug 26, 2010 -
Re: Mirror Image
Hi SilentRain, There is something about poetry that you need to know: Mindless repetition, rhyme, and random division of line breaks does not a poem make. Now that we've got ...
Aug 26, 2010 -
Re: The knife
Hi tigs6969, You're absolutely correct; this isn't emo junk. It's just plain junk, an ugly concoction of clownishly angry emotions clucking around a cage of poorly constructed imagery - and ...
Aug 17, 2010 -
Re: My Perception of Time
Hi Panda326, Is that it? Very well. Allow me to suggest the following, more condensed version of your poem: I can't tell time. I'm angry. If this was what you're ...
Aug 5, 2010
