Flemzo

Good work. I only had time to skim through it, so sorry if my review seems shallow. I like the premise, but the use of evil scientists and maniacal laughter ...

Cute. I thought it was great (but that may be because I'm a main character who gets to kiss a girl.... we'll see about that). The only things I noticed: ...

This is my first time doing a line by line crit, so bear with me... Light, spent all its worth for the day, lost to a maniacal moon, hell bent ...

It was good. The only thing that really bothered me was this part: as if something in their primal minds rebelled against the world’s forgetfulness, It seems awkwardly broken. To ...

The title threw me off actually; I thought someone had gone into my piece and edited my tag. It didn't help that my 500 words are just underneath yours. Addressing ...

I've been jaded. Usually when I read something on the site, it's four pages long, takes forever to read, and I usually quit by the end. This was short, and ...

I'll be honest, the story didn't really appeal to me. Granted, it was good, I just didn't like it. Some things that stuck out: “She’s your daughter for one,” he ...

I agree with Snoink. You are very talented, and this was an okay piece. It could definitely use some fleshing out, and definitely more description. I would definitely like to ...

Yikes. Creepfest, but wonderfully written. I like how you reference age. Without it, it probably would have looked like so much happened in such a short amount of time that ...

For ten years old, this was pretty good. I didn't start writing until I was in 8th grade (I would've been 13 or 14), but I'm sure if I had ...

I like what you're working with. I think it's an interesting topic, and it certainly kept me into it. A few problems I found: When referring to "It", try to ...

I gotta say, I like reading your stuff. I read the last sentence first, and was about to fix a "typo". Then I read the story, and realized that there ...

Such a sad ending... poor guy. There's some definite tightening to do with the language. I think the people above covered most of what I was going to say. My ...

This is definitely a great start to something. It's good to space out your paragraphs, though. I agree with Amelia with the body language. To me, Scorpio seemed really twitchy, ...

I envy those who took less than 12 hours to read the book. It took me a day and a half (including quick naps, going to church, and eating) to ...