Fand

Hope you don't mind, but I'm going to print this out and mark it up during my hour-and-change commute home. ^~ I need something to keep me busy! - will ...

I do believe you may be my favorite poet on this site, gummy. ^^ This is positively humming with imagery--even if there are a few spots in which the punctuation ...

I actually rather adored this. ^^ Beautiful, Gummy; that last stanza, particularly, is chock full of absolutely gorgeous imagery.

The comma in the penultimate line is unnecessary. ^~ I really enjoyed this; it certainly is reminiscent of Clau's brand of ghoulish humor. ^^ Well done, Ed.

I do love this. ^^ I especially love the "frantic needles" (though perhaps a better word might be "frenetic?") and the burning feathers. Gorgeous images. ^^

Hm. Too many full stops; I agree with Clau's analysis of that as "jumpy and cluttered." The rest of it has a great deal of potential; why turn a reader ...

Too true, DL; I definitely cried at that part. What a noble way to go, though! *sniffles*

Hm... the new version strikes me as rather prose-y. You do so much telling, and so little showing!

...Scrap this. It was terrible; nothing more, nothing less. And please refrain from using caps in the future; none of the experienced (read: good) members of this site will take ...

It was... mediocre at best. You seem to have some potential though, so keep working at it; Whence seems to have covered all of my nitpicks. Be well, do good ...

"I vote for Pat Buchanan!" :lol: Priceless, Clau, priceless.

xD I can't wait for more. Incidentally, did you purposely name the correspondent after the author of "White Oleander?"

ACK! Block of text. Try spacing out the paragraphs and making it easier, or no one will be able to read this.

If you don't have patience for waiting, try PMing writers you respect to request critiques, or putting a link in your signature. ;) No bumping! *Slaps bianca's wrist.*

The edit is much better! I've got a few more suggestions to make, though; this poem has quite a lot of potential, so I'd like to see you really perfect ...