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This is beautiful, Braddy, and heartbreaking. It really picks up from "But those are the moments" through to "the news that you're dying." Personally I think you could cut the ...

Braddy-- You're right. Augusten Burroughs has nothing on you. I don't have many suggestions to make as of yet--there's not that much to comment on, and it is a first ...

Honestly? This poem has potential. Your spotty and inconsistent rhyming patterns make that difficult to see. As it is now, your stanzas go: A-A-A-A / B-B-C-D / E-F-G-F / H-A-I-K. ...

A. The Title : Please do not put your title in all caps. If it's a good title, it'll catch the reader's eye without resorting to such amateur tricks. Also, ...

'Melia's hit the nail dead on the head. This really is a touching gesture--but that's all it is. This isn't poetry. It's a pretty list that a girlfriend--and only a ...

*rubs temples* Okay. Here we go. Point 1: Cliches are bad. The bad news? Almost everything in this poem is a cliche. Oceans of sorrow, learning to hold onto love ...

In ecru tanks they travel through the lands Of roaring flax In search of arsenic machines That pump through bistre crust hungrily. Love the color imagery here; really makes a ...

Overall: well, you've certainly got the concept of powerful imagery down pat. Remember that saying about "too much of a good thing," though? You've got a prime case of that ...

Harsh crit? No prob! Here we go, stanza by stanza. ^_^ Some things make the most sense on a bleary morning, their shadows dark and clear against the fog, that ...

To expand a little on what iQuippie said, lol: Punctuation is, believe it or not, a poet's best friend. A lot of people think it's passe; I mean, gawd, people ...

First of all--punctuation! Now, I'm all for breaking with convention, but punctuation in poetry isn't just a convention: it's just good common sense. Face it--as important as the words are, ...

I'm not a huge fan of William Carlos Williams, but I think this is fantastic. I love the interjections--it makes it feel like more of a conversation than anything else, ...

I disagree with Misty; I think the fact that your meaning is so difficult to find--the fact that it seems so arbitrary--really gives this piece its strength. I gave you ...

...Vernon, that's really unnecessary. Claudette was giving Elizabeth constructive advice, which is what YWS is for. Please don't be unnecessarily partisan. As to the poem: I agree that the lack ...

I have to say, this is one of the clearest and most vivid poems I've read of yours, gummy. While all of your images are gorgeous, you tend to overstuff ...