Portrait of a Red-haired Woman
Form based on "Portrait of a Lady" by William Carlos Williams
Your hair is the spreading of Autumn
whose crimson, crooked hand reaches through woods to touch.
Which woods? The woods that crowned the uplands where Bryant roamed. Your eyes
are an Atlantic wave crashing—or
a stream in a downpour. Ah! what kind of man was he?—as if that would change
anything. Ah, yes—your legs, since Salieri’s chorus
played like that, are
one of those obscure afternoons alone with a book,
the cascading waterfalls of your thighs
shimmer as the sun breaks through the trees—
Which waterfall?—
the droplets wet my tongue—
Which waterfall?
Ah, Autumn, maybe. How
should I know?
Which waterfall? Which waterfall?
I said the crooked hand of Autumn.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I'm not a huge fan of William Carlos Williams, but I think this is fantastic. I love the interjections--it makes it feel like more of a conversation than anything else, between the narrator and the red-haired woman. And that last line? Delicious. ^_^
Loved this.
Your imagery was really good and the flow and emotions that ran from it sank in so I could reaaly feel them.
Your repetition of the waterfall line though was annoying and actually made the poem pretty awful - in my eyes - and your use of dashes was like... WHOA! Rethink these and I think you'll be left with a piece of art.
Wonderful imagery. I loved all the metaphors and similies used. A very nice poem. I thought the last lines changed the pace too much which caused the flow of the poem to break.
Other than that, very well written.
this is sort of pointless and not as pretty as they rest of the poem. i would just cut it
otherwise, this was very good. though you have an awful lot of dashes.... =]