Emerson

Hi there! First I'll say welcome to YWS and that if you have any questions feel free to ask me! :) Yes, I am going to be harsh. Forgive me ...

You line breaks are too sudden and jarring. :D And you use more commas than needed. People don't like being told what to do, but with this poem you stand ...

Oh, I really love this. True, I'm going to go through and change some lines and remove things all together, but I have to say, you have some really amazing ...

I read this when you first posted it and had some comments, but couldn't post then. We'll see if I can remember them now! I know I had no real ...

Some of your language here is really good, but in some points (standing out to me most, S1) you try too hard to be poetic and forget to make sense, ...

I'm interested, certainly. Oh, Logs. How I am glad to be done with you! For now. *shakes fist at maths* This is cute, but it has some issues. You're missing ...

Hello Veena! And welcome to YWS. First I would like to say that if you have any questions or need help finding something, feel free to pm me. I like ...

Stupid little worms, that’s what they [s]really[/s] are. Pathetic [comma] fuzzy sheep parading around, following the trends. Why form their own opinions when the media hands them out for free? ...

Some of these lines could be saved (L6) and made into a good poem. Others are not worth keeping (L12-L14). More than anything, though, please punctuate. It's hard to understand, ...

I am not sure what to start with, so, to make things simple, I will start with the first stanza and go on. ^_^ In my dusty recollections… This is ...

Hey there! Okay! You admit you are new to writing this. And I will admit, poetry is a very hard thing to do. The first thing you should do when ...

Hey Rubber Duck! You can't delete your own stories, and we prefer not delete whole threads because then people loose review points. If you want, you can hit the "edit" ...

And gotten ice cream. I'm a little finicky about these kinds of things, and I would prefer "and bought ice cream" as opposed to any use of the word "got". ...

I think your use of "May I have this dance?/We shall be..." went on for too long. I think you would do better to say it at the beginning, and ...

Someone sacred, Someone crying, Someone on the inside, dying Your lack of is in this is annoying. Something is , wouldn't you say? Also, do you mean scared instead of ...