Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this one was a pretty simple story. It flows nicely and it sounds like a pretty decent story. The whole hunting sequence was quite nice to read and it was easy enough to understand what was going on. The little bits of information about the world and some of Cale's thoughts do a wonderful job of making this story easier to understand and that's really good.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Cale trudged through the marsh's muddy waters. This was where most of the wild boars gathered to have a drink. It was misty. Cale was reminded of his dream earlier that morning. His eyes darted around, trying to spot a woman crying.
Pretty standard opening right there. Not the most attention grabbing but interesting enough.
The marsh had always been misty, but not as misty as it was today. Ironically, Cale was the only hunter in the marsh that day. Everyone else was probably getting ready for the feast to celebrate the Elder's birthday. The wild boar would be a late edition to the feast then, Cale thought to himself.
Some nice subtle establishing of the situation that we are currently and a little bit of backstory so that's nice to see at the start of a story like this.
He spun around and faced a large wild boar. It was at the edge, drinking the water. In this country, there weren't many water sources around. Most were surrounded by the village. Elves left water at the edge of the village in a holes that the villagers themselves had dug to serve as watering holes. Lately though, the animals seemed to prefer the water in the marsh.
This info dump is actually placed quite and well and contributes to the story so good job there.
Cale thought it was stupid. Why drink muddy water when they had the choice of drinking the water that the elves left out for them? It was then that Cale realized that the marsh was actually quite a tranquil place. He had never stopped to relish its beauty before. Perhaps the animals liked this place better than the edge of the village? To Cale, the answer was obvious. He'd choose the marsh. A physical environment suited animals better, after all.
This part doesn't seem very useful. It just doesn't sound like something that you would have the time to be thinking of if you are smack in the middle of a proper hunt so it just doesn't sound that great here. And not knowing this information would also not do much to reduce the understanding of the story so chopping this part would probably be for the best.
He stealthily creeped over to the boar. He planned to slit its throat so it could die immediately. His lucky sword had been sharpened just the day before so there was no need to worry about it not going through the whole way. Cale unsheathed his sword. The animal's ears pricked up. "Oh damn."
That part needs a little bit more description there than what it has at the moment. It sounds a little too much its been rushed through.
What greeted him when he went through the trees was unexpected. He was in a forest. "I don't remember there being a forest here..." he muttered. He remembered that the Elder had told the village not to go beyond the marsh. It was the human's world beyond the marsh. "Oh, damn." He had crossed over to the human world.
Cale panicked. How was he supposed to get back?!
I don't quite understand why he can't just go back the way he came but maybe that's because I do not know that much about this world so I won't be judging anything based on that.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: It's a fairly decently done hunting sequence. It does not have that much excitement for such a scene but nevertheless it was pretty interesting to read and it flowed quite well too. Cale seems to be a fairly realistic character although he did have a tendency to be thinking about some pretty plot convenient things at time.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253913
Reviews: 4100
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