Emerson

She's coming off melodramatic, and I'm glad you brought her friend in because you did so right when I was thinking, "She needs to get with her friends, she's too ...

I'm finally back! For the first time in almost a week [comma] feelings are returning. I really don't have much else to say other than that one grammar note. Sorry ...

Hey there Samster ;-) I'm finally around to give number two a shot. into the wake of the cat-eyes boy below. I think it should be "cat-eyed" though if you ...

Sarah noticed his eyes getting glassy and rolled her eyes. I think it should be "rolled hers" although would it be apostrophe s? Because otherwise your repeat "eyes" I love ...

Since Kitty commented on your lack of punctuation, I'll get to that first. You need to punctuate. Poetry & Punctuation . This poem felt like it was going way too ...

Yes.. I think you've jumped off of logical ship? So..She's going to court even though he isn't dead? What are they charging her with, attempted man slaughter? since it is ...

The yellow tape they brought in, creating a barrier between what I had done, and where I was. This starts weird, say "They brought in the yellow tape" "surly" should ...

“I won't allow it.” This sounds too adult, It's say "I won't let you" Mentioning the nice, hard wood floor below gives it away too easily. Don't tell us that. ...

The living room was bright, the same as it [s]has[/s] had always been extending one sweating hand to grasp the handle unwilling to turn it. This sounds weird. her pulse's ...

Richards rage Richard [apostrophe] rage. Richard owns his rage! (lol, I had to say that, it sounds funny..) It's my job to spread the knowledge of what most are afraid ...

Her mom walked across the room and placed on hand on Jamie's shoulder, and peeked over it to read. Eh...what? “Well, it can be Tammy leaving, Jamie almost smiled at ...

quiet voices reached me and and mom through the swinging door here. Isn't this meant to be 3rd person? Yeah that could have been so much worse.. And really, I ...

“Don't argue with me Tammy,” Comma before Tammy, because it's a ...okay well I forget what they are called xD Direct address? I think that is it. putting him under ...

What would come if I did though, how would Richard re-act. Would it be the last act of my teenage betrayal to my father. The father that doesn't love me. ...

Jamie walked across the damp sand, it was raining and nobody was here. Separate sentences. He threw himself down the stairs, then saw her. Wait, he literally threw himself down ...