Dynamo

It's pretty good, though I have a few suggestions. First, you should probably have a chapter before this to introduce the main character so your readers know who she is, ...

Although there are some things you can do to improve it, your message is definitely clear, which is good. I'm not much of a fan of poetry, so I can't ...

It's a pretty good piece. I agree with you, you should continue to work on it. I didn't find many problems with it, but I did find a couple of ...

This was a very well thought out chapter. I saw a few spelling mistakes in there, the one I can remember is where you spelled thou instead of though. A ...

I didn't have enough time to read the second chapter but here's what I thought of the first: It was pretty good, I don't remember seeing any spelling errors. But ...

A pretty good chapter. Just one piece of advice, even if you've already rewritten something it's always good to read through it at least once when you're finished, that way ...

All in all, it's pretty good. There are some places where your sentences run off into another paragraph before they're even finished. You should fix that. I did see a ...

To tell you the truth, I couldn't even read through the first paragraph. I know you worked hard on this piece of writing and it's probably pretty good, too. The ...

Hmm... Not much I can suggest to make this chapter better. Well, it's obvious that this is taking place later in your character's life, but how much later? If you ...

Overall, a very good start. The one thing I can suggest is near the beginning where his mother stares out of the window. We already know it's night, but at ...

I found that you used the words snow and hills a little too often. I know there aren't a lot of words that you can use that mean the same ...

It's pretty good, much better than what I can come up with without at least three rewrites. The only thing I saw was this: Moments later, an explosion ripped through ...

Again with what I said with your last chapter it feels like there's too much dead space between your paragraphs. In fact, the first two paragraphs in your chapter can ...

Well, the only thing I can suggest is your short paragraphs. Although they are descriptive, I feel there is a lot of space between them. It might just be me, ...

All in all a pretty good story for a 13-year-old. I don't know how much of what I'm about to say has already been mentioned by biancarayne since her post ...