Cadi

Hey there, InHerEyes, I'd like to start by saying, this has great potential just from the basic concept. From the title and the fact that this is a prologue, I'm ...

Hey there, Willow, First up, future dystopia! I'm quite fond of stories set in scary places in the distant future, so this one definitely caught my interest. I'm intrigued by ...

Hey there, Becky, You've sketched out a character with an interesting backstory for us here, and that's cool. However, there are a few things I feel I could say that ...

Hey there, Calla, I have to say, I'm intrigued. Will you be writing more of this story? I would like to know more about the narrator and her sister, and ...

Hey there, WeWinWeLose, For a ten-minute draft, this isn't at all bad. I like the message it gives, and the core of optimism it has. However, as is to be ...

Hey there, Taz, So, this is a really interesting introduction, but it doesn't feel like a complete story. Are you planning to post another part? Or is there another part ...

Hey there, Rocklobster, The first thing that strikes me about this is that you're suffering from an overdose of what are known as Talking Heads. That is, you've got a ...

Hey there, Red, I don't have a lot to say about this piece, but I thought it was, in a word, beautiful, so I had to stop and say something. ...

Hey there, FantasyWolf, Okay, so the first thing that strikes me about this work is: paragraphing. Paragraphs are a brilliant tool in your writer's toolkit. They help to break up ...

Hey there, Purple, I think this is a really cool piece - looking at one thing from so many different perspectives can definitely shed some new light on it. I ...

Hey there, Moriko, Now, I don't call myself a poet, but I thought I would take a stab at saying something about this poem. I thought it was incredibly emotionally ...

Hey there, Malefica, Okay, so this is an interesting introduction to a couple of characters - and that's good, that's what first chapters are for. However, there are a few ...

Hey there Icey! This is adorable, and so very sad. You've captured the miserable confusion of a small child about death beautifully, and there's not actually that much I have ...

Hey there, Dreaming. I'd like to start by saying that I love how you're beginning this. Carrying the rain across all the bad events in Lyra's life, and then setting ...

Hey there, LUV. So, you have a pretty dramatic scene going on here, but it's very short. The first, and main, suggestion I have for this piece involves making it ...