Cade

The two problems this piece has are 1) too much telling, not enough showing, and 2) fragments. 1) If you show more and tell less, the story will be more ...

Oh my goodness! Is this a shape poem? SHAPE POEMS! Sorry if it's not a shape poem, but it sure looks like a tornado profile. Ooh, center it. Sorry for ...

This is a great piece, but I felt as though the last two stanzas, everything after "'We matter'" just didn't go with the rest. The tone of the first two ...

I agree with Chibi...this piece does have some things that are a little hard to interpret. I especially had a problem with getting the grandfather-father characters straight. The different places/time

This poem didn't create anything new or interesting. It's a bunch of over-used ideas and some general, cliched statements. Try to say something that hasn't been said before, and clarify ...

The subject of this post was "depressing", but it's not making me depressed. The narrator died? Well, make me care. I didn't become attached to this story enough to care. ...

This is descriptive. It's too descriptive. It's choking me. Perhaps...give this piece more of a meaning? At the moment, it seems to exist only to describe and say "Oh, look ...

Ooh, I like this poem. I'm not completely sure what it means, but it's cool. It seems like it can barely get away with all these allusions, but barely-getting-away in ...

In some of the stanzas, you maintain this A-B-A-C-A rhyme scheme. It's fine in the first stanza. Second stanza...well, blob makes it seem silly. In the third stanza, it doesn't ...

This was a poem that made me happy. It was cute. It was descriptive and well-constructed...being only a little over five feet, this is something I've often experienced. The whole ...

As with your last chapter, this has a lot of simple typos that are easily fixed. Just read through this carefully before you post it and all. I'm not going ...

*hugs this poem, then steps away, terrified that her hug has crushed its fragile amazingness* Obviously, I like your poem. I can totally see this being read at some dark, ...

Ooh, this poem made me shiver. I like it. bar our way and sharpened razor wire cuts the observant sky ethereal. I would stick "and sharpened razor wire" on the ...

Tairen trudged over another snowy hill, his feet numb, and going black. His feet are turning black? Somehow I don't believe that. and it seemed to Tairen as though dieing ...

This isn't really anything new, but you do have some interesting imagery. I liked the bit "It bends its head,/kissing the sky goodnight" I pretty much second everything bubbles said. ...