Published December 25, 2006
I love you all to death
Let death not be the end,
Every lasting connection
For everyone to tend.
A single seed creates
A life that'll carry through,
Te memories of your past time
And those that we make new.
Eternity surrounds us
A pool of hope and fear,
Let everyone behold us
And stay yet not come near.
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141,397 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
This poem didn't create anything new or interesting. It's a bunch of over-used ideas and some general, cliched statements. Try to say something that hasn't been said before, and clarify some of your statements.
For example:
I have no idea what this means. Everyone is tending every lasting connection? It's an awfully general phrase that doesn't go anywhere.
"Seeds of life" is cliched. The last two lines were somewhat interesting though...is it simply referring to memories from one's past and the ones they are making and will make, or is it a reference to reincarnation? Past lives, present lives, future lives? I doubt that you intended the reincarnation bit, but hey, it made me think.
Also, "make new" is not the right phrase to use there. Usually when someone says "make new" I think of refurbishing or repairing something so it's like new, or made again. You're talking about memories that are currently being made or will be made.
Although this poem sounds like a dozen others I've read before, the rhyme is okay and the piece flows nicely. Try to create something unique, but keep that ability to flow.
Colleen