Cade

(It's generally not a good idea to put polls on your work.) I think the best thing you could do for this poem is...put it out of its misery. Honestly, ...

I see you're new (welcome!)--here are just some ground rules. Please review two pieces before you post your own. Please keep the ratio of critiques:new posts at 2:1. That's about ...

You might pass it as a prose-poem. Or just put line breaks in. The piece itself is very abstract, though. A load of abstract imagery won't do much for your ...

This really doesn't have any appeal to a reader. I'm glad you can tell a really generic story using only cliches and poor grammar, but until you can tell the ...

Oh, DD, this makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside...I love the feel, the style of it. The last two lines were a perfect ending. Good job making a good ...

Detail and Characterization. I agree with SeraphTree--too vague, much too vague. When you're writing, you want to get your reader interested. Attached. That's why your favorite books are your favorite

As Trident said, good use of sound...but I don't think the poem has much more beyond that. I have trouble understanding it, and I think this is a result of ...

Ha, it is entertaining. I really enjoyed the first stanza of this--it had a catchy rhythm, it sounded good, had a nice punch, though it had some funny syntax issues ...

Pace. That's a heck of a lot of stuff to say in such a short space. We want a story, not a summary. Slow it down. Pay attention to details ...

*tacks Whitman and Frost onto Suzanne's list of poets* I think that you could justify this being in the poetry section--there is, after all, prose poetry. But this as a ...

This poem really doesn't do anything for me...know why? It's because it's a bunch of poorly connected phrases that repeat, without emotion, countless cliches and cries of teen angst. I ...

I do like the style, and I find myself really liking the voice in this poem. You definitely have a talent for that, for sound and rhythm and tone; use ...

I don't necessarily agree with MadHatter and blacktiger3915 in that the poem was "weak" but I'll say it was simple. There's nothing wrong with simple poetry--you might find this in ...

This belongs under "Cliche Lyrics to Tired Pop Songs," not poetry. Next time, instead of stealing from Hallmark cards and Top 40 hits, write something that comes from you --we ...

Suzie can write poetry but she has problems making it sound good. I think one of your biggest problems, here and with poetry overall, dear, is flow. The first two ...