Yay! This is quite a few steps up from your don't-do-drugs advertising jingle. 
I thought it was really sweet and heartwarming, like Acoustic up there said. I can relate to you (or whoever's narrating) because I can't count the hours I've spent daydreaming about flight.
However, the rhyme about May is extremely forced, almost painfully so. If you have trouble with flowing rhyme, a rhyming dictionary is a good place to start. Think about it. There are billions of words that rhyme with May.
I wish I could fly
If i did i wouldn't cry
I want to fly far away
Sometime in the middle of May.
If you were in elementary school and I was your teacher, I'd beat you over the head for not capitalizing "I" in the second line. However, I'm not your teacher.
Personally, I think lower case i's are very stylish, but if you want to use them, do it all the way through your poem. I just spread my wings
To just hear the birds sing
I just can't stay down here
Because of what I fear.
You say "just" too much.
So one day I want to fly
So I don't have to die
So I won't have to face my fears
of staying down here.
My mother doesn't want me to leave
Because of what I might do
I said to her not to worry
I will be back real soon.
Nice lines, but slightly confusing. Why do you want to fly? Are you afraid of death...or your mother? To tie this poem together, give the reader a solid, concrete reason WHY you want to get away.
Very nice. I look forward to reading more.
Points: 890
Reviews: 247
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