z

Young Writers Society



Dreams

by Laura_Jane


My dreams are desired with every moment in which I am awake.

Possessive and powerful, my most craved and yearnful fantasy is forever present in

my mind, controlling my body and soul continuously-until I reach upon the point

where I can not shake myself from the trance-my spirit and essence, addicted to

thewonderful world in which I have struck across.

Every part of me is consumed by the enchanting paradise that has possessed m

life forever more.




what do you think?

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758 Reviews

Points: 5890
Reviews: 758

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Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:48 pm
Cade wrote a review...



You might pass it as a prose-poem. Or just put line breaks in.

The piece itself is very abstract, though. A load of abstract imagery won't do much for your reader...you need something concrete, something you can visualize in your head. If you want to discuss something abstract like "dreams", you first need to put it in terms that are easier to talk about, easier to describe.

In the meantime, read some poetry. (You might like Walt Whitman. *shameless plug for one of my favorite poets*) :wink:

-Colleen




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84 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 84

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Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:31 pm
Dreami wrote a review...



Well, this isn't really a poem. I think the lines are too long for such, and it's not in any sort of poetry form.

I like your 'voice' though, for the short bit that you have. Your phrasing is nice. I think it just needs some expansion, or at least bringing it into correct form. There isn't much to critique, so I can't help alot.

- Dreami
[Critiques for my own work are always welcome! ^.^ ]





"Do not try to be pretty. You weren't meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don't let anyone ever simplify you to just 'pretty'"
— Suzanne Rivard