Published December 28, 2007
My dreams are desired with every moment in which I am awake.
Possessive and powerful, my most craved and yearnful fantasy is forever present in
my mind, controlling my body and soul continuously-until I reach upon the point
where I can not shake myself from the trance-my spirit and essence, addicted to
thewonderful world in which I have struck across.
Every part of me is consumed by the enchanting paradise that has possessed m
life forever more.
what do you think?
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You might pass it as a prose-poem. Or just put line breaks in.
The piece itself is very abstract, though. A load of abstract imagery won't do much for your reader...you need something concrete, something you can visualize in your head. If you want to discuss something abstract like "dreams", you first need to put it in terms that are easier to talk about, easier to describe.
In the meantime, read some poetry. (You might like Walt Whitman. *shameless plug for one of my favorite poets*)
-Colleen
Well, this isn't really a poem. I think the lines are too long for such, and it's not in any sort of poetry form.
I like your 'voice' though, for the short bit that you have. Your phrasing is nice. I think it just needs some expansion, or at least bringing it into correct form. There isn't much to critique, so I can't help alot.
- Dreami
[Critiques for my own work are always welcome! ^.^ ]