Blink

Hullo. :) You could definitely do a lot more with this. At the moment, it reads like a rather curious shopping list of poetical ideas: Freedom freedom Spreading wings Butterflies ...

Aaand I'm here. :D Well, that was mental. But I actually really liked it! So this isn't so much a review as an ode to your wonderfully crafted randomosity. (Sorry ...

Hey! Just to let you know, I've moved this to General Fiction, since this is where we put things for reviews! Fiction Discussion is more to do with generic discussion ...

Hello! I find this to be far too narrative. Too declarative. The problem is, the line breaks seem arbritary and irrelevant - it seems as though to were just trying ...

Hullo! Firstly - basic grammar. Reread this a couple of times and look out for elementary errors (hint: capital letters, homophones!). That's much more useful than my telling you what ...

Hullo. I don't really know what you're trying to say here. You're running the risk of rambling over excessively abstract ideas that sound nice, but don't leave much of an ...

I agree with Snoink. The rantiness of blogs don't come off well in poetry for the simple reason that they don't go much further than the basic feelings we endure. ...

I found it! Despite being only about four pages long, it took me a while to understand how this fitted into Catcher of the Rye. I only read it a ...

Hey! =] My first impression upon reading this was just how rushed it seemed - it felt like you were trying to run through this character's life so that we ...

Hullo. :) The first stanza seemed to be going somewhere, with its ambiguity and abstract images, but then as the poem went on I realised that these uncertainties and questions ...

Hey! Welcome to YWS! :) This is had a an excellent opening, and a great deal of potential from the first couple of paragraphs. However, I think this is too ...

Hey! I'm going to be negative: this really bored me. Sure, there was some interesting assonance with the whole "gasoline/pain" but if you just look at those lines, you will ...

Hey! =D Okay, so! The opening paragraph was way too short, too brief and unexplored. I know you're trying not to give anything away, but just slow down - put ...

Hullo. Okay, so, this was certainly interesting and somewhat original. But what I think this poem is lacking is substance. The writing on the walls is just a metaphor for ...

Hey! In the first paragraph, you say that the main character heard the sound before feeling pain, and then describe how there was no pain. That doesn't really make sense. ...