Bazoo

To be honest, I only skimmed over this quickly (not your fault, I'm just lazy XD). But I didn't like the "Walkie Talkie" talk that was going on at the ...

The thing that bugged me most about this was the transition between "Ezekiel" and "Zeke." These names are close together, but I was immediately confused because I thought they were ...

I dunno, I thought there were odd word choices in here. Like that first sentence...I can't hear "wafting" without thinking 'vanilla wafers.' XD You have a nice vocab start IMO, ...

Suspenseful... Decent, could make a good story. Yes, a bit cliche'd at the very beginning. But some stories like to start that way, if you know what I mean. I ...

First of all, I would like to say that I would like to see you split paragraphs more often. It seems a little squeezed in and sort of a strain ...

I liked it, really had a unique message of childhood innonence. Something just really bugged me about that last line, if you know what I mean. I understand you were ...

Wow it's been ages since I've posted here... I was a little questionable at first glance when I saw the (short) length of poem, but once I started reading, I ...

Honestly, I thought the metaphors were a little cliche here and there. But... I was so entranced in the beautiful descriptions I hardly noticed. :P You probably don't need more ...

*looks at date* It IS old. o.O Well, it's good to dig up old pieces and see how you've improved since then. I like that first stanza with counting the ...

Honestly, I wouldn't say the swearing is 'unnecessary'. It adds a realistic feel, and really pounds the reader into a good atmosphere. Personally, I don't think it's awfully terrible. But ...

Mmm... agreeing with Brad, it's very choppy. I like the idea behind it, and the imagery used, but it seems you need to use stanzas a little more effectively. Break ...

*smacks* Stop having low self-esteem about your writing! That was really funny and good, in a not laugh out loud but kind of witty sort of way. And all the ...

Personally, I think it kind of jumped into that beginning a little fast. I think you should've tweaked the third paragraph and started witht that, but really, that might be ...

I THINK it's supposed to be . . . like -erm- something that's supposed to be there. Personally, I usually think it's best to avoid and's, or's, but's, etc. at ...

It lacked a lot of puncuation (too much to state). Try splitting the beginning sentence into: "Where was I? I tried to remember something; anything." THEN the rest. (picky thing, ...