I posted this story on FanFiction... And no one's reviewed (cept for Liz, she just didn't read it, but reviewed with the 'F' Word 
)
A Slight Fluidity
By: TeodoreJames AKA Alex Lucier AKA Me
Chapter 1
'Our Journey Renewed'
There was a slight breeze wafting about. The sun was as bright burning with a slight warmth, and the waves were just perfect enough to wet your feet. The palms set on the land of the secluded Destiny Islands were swaying, as if they were greeting anyone who walked by with a jolly wave. The only sounds were the lapping of the waves and the cawing of the many species of sea bird. It seemed as if it were a wonderland, to which no one was around to gaze...
"I see it!" A young teen, only about 16, had sat up on his raft. The 2 others who sat next to him had stirred from their silence. The teen, basking in the slowly returning memories, dipped his hand in the crystal clear water around him. He let out a small squeal, for a fish had come up and bit his finger. It had no teeth, so it did minimal damage. 1 of the teens with him, a girl with reddish hair that fell like a cascade to her shoulders, rolled her deeply rich blue eyes, and rubbed her forehead in disbelief.
"You're 16, and you still cry from a fish biting your fingertip..." She said. The boy, pulling his hand out of the water, shook it off and shrugged. The 3rd teen, a teen only a little older than the others, kept his eyes closed, and his arms folded. He took his turn to speak.
"Strange things can happen to one who returns somewhere special after a long period of time."
"Ooh! Another tidbit of information from the Great-And-All-Knowing Riku!" The other boy chided sarcastically. He walked over to his friend and messed up his hair, as silvery-white locks of it stayed in his view. This made him miffed. He stood up, agitated from his seemingly meditative state.
"I was defending you, moron! Oh, wait... I forgot..." he turned to the girl, "He's the Keyblade master! He doesn't need defending..."
"Take that Riku! You're gonna capsize the raft! Settle down!" The girl growled.
All three of the friends were a little cranky, for they'd stayed up a little too long the night before, train-hopping the tops of moving freight trains on the mainland.
"Sorry, Kairi..." Sora said quietly, and sat back down next to her. Riku just rolled his eyes and sat opposite them, and folded his arms again.
"Besides," Kairi continued, "we're so close to the island. You two are gonna hafta jump out and pull the raft, with me on it, onto the shore."
"Why don't YOU hafta help?" Sora said, confused.
"Because, I'm a lady!" Kairi responded lightly, with special emphasis on the word 'lady.'
"Lady-my-butt..." Sora started, "Remember when you won the burping contest at our table at lunch in the 4th grade?" He laughed. Kairi did too. The both of them felt a jolt, and felt something missing. "Wait, where's Riku?" Sora sat up straight, and realized Riku was gone. There was another jolt, and all hell broke loose, or so to say.
The raft, being crudely built by the trio years before, didn't have much stability. But that didn't really contribute, for the reason it had now turned over, was the culprit Riku. He had swam underneath while the others laughed, and pushed up on the side of the raft, sending the pair in the water with him.
Kairi, being the first to resurface, gave Riku an earful first. Spitting out a mouthful of water, she preceded to yell, "Riku, you ass! And me, wearing a dress..." She kicked her legs frantically, finding a place in the skirt to keep her legs free. Sora then resurfaced. He, too, spit out water, and rubbed his eyes clean. But his mood was alot lighter. He laughed, and swam circles around the other two.
Kairi climbed back onto the raft, which had righted itself back up on account of the sail they built. Once fully on, she looked at herself. Her hair, which had been in plaits, was now all messed up. She removed the ties holding them together, and smoothed out her hair. Her dress was clinging tightly to her legs, having been too frilly for the water.
Kairi screamed. "Riku! You ruined my dress! It's torn!" She pointed to it. Sure enough, there was a tear about 6 inches long along the seam of her dress. "Good thing I wore something underneath this..." She said in a thinking state. She quickly stripped off her dress and threw it into the water. Now she was in a pair of shorts above the knee, and a blue tank top. Riku swam closer to board himself back onto the raft, but Sora just churned the water.
"Quit staring!" Sora snapped back to reality. Realizing he had just stared at his best friend 'stripping,' he blushed and boarded onto the raft.
The raft, having been carried by the constant current, found it's target. It landed on the shore itself, having been carried by the waves, saving Sora and Riku some time. The three separated to their own quarters, and rested up for a new day of discovery and remembering.
Whatcha think?
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,785 Reviews
This totally rocks!! WHEE!! I LOVE KH!!! KH2 to be precise... Never played the first one.. LOL...
Oh yeah, you might wanna separate dialogues and contents for example, from your chapter 1;
"You're 16, and you still cry from a fish biting your fingertip..." She said. The boy, pulling his hand out of the water, shook it off and shrugged. The 3rd teen, a teen only a little older than the others, kept his eyes closed, and his arms folded. He took his turn to speak.
It could've been
"You're 16, and you still cry from a fish biting your fingertip..." She said.
The boy, pulling his hand out of the water, shook it off and shrugged. The 3rd teen, a teen only a little older than the others, kept his eyes closed, and his arms folded. He took his turn to speak.
GOOD JOB though!!!
I've never played but it sounds fun. I only read the first chapter. Time. psht it disapears like that *snaps fingers* well I liked it alot and it sounds cool.
Not bad. I'm a big KH fan, but I never liked Kairi.
Anyway, your'e off to a good start! Keep it up! ^^
i agree with Elizabeth to be honest... I don't have the time to read your delightful entry!!!
Maybe some other day
Yepiee! KH. As i said before very nice. I wasn't paying attention to spelling or typos but i might go back later. I just wanted to say you did a good job with KH fanfic. It hink i'll go play some KH right now. I love KH.
SHWEET!
Bleck...school...
*shames Bazoo* You need to play more KH
I'll have alot of bored times where I can jot down a couple chapters a month 
Or even one a week. But that's just a guess, and is not concrete.
Right now, I'm under a severe case of writer's block (surprising, yes?) and I think I'll try to update this again before school starts. And once school starts, and because it's high school
I dunno, I thought there were odd word choices in here. Like that first sentence...I can't hear "wafting" without thinking 'vanilla wafers.'
XD
You have a nice vocab start IMO, just need to set up words that will support the atmosphere...rather than just words that fit the sentence.
I liked it. Though, while I LOVE RPG's, I haven't really played a whole lot of Kingdom Hearts. Shameful. I know.
o_O
I read through this again, and, indeed, found myself an error. I fixed it though
Well, actually,I like it. For some reason, I don't even have anything to tell you on how to better it. I didn't really see any grammatical errors, not that I was looking very hard to find any, and I'm at a loss for words at giving you a helpful critique.
I guess all you get is praise! ^.^
Very good job in my opinion. Give youself a pat on the back.
I would have to say... ****.
I can't read them now sadly...
Again...
Damn time...
Hee hee... Jolly wave.
(NOTE: I just put this chapter in a new post to seperate them better. The 2 in one post made it harder to read...)
Chapter 2
'"Never Let Your Guard Down"'
The sun was rising over Destiny Islands to even more sea noises. Fish jumping to catch insects, seabirds swooping down at those fish, seagulls calling to each other...
Kairi was the first to awaken. The sun had shown through the square hole in the wall of her room in her makeshift hut. She expected to hear her alarm clock sounds awhile before, but had forgotten that her and the other two teens had told their parent's they'd be staying at the island for awhile. Her neck was a little sore, for she had only slept on a straw mat on the floor, with a pillow made of weaved-together palm leaves stuffed with the fibers found in a tree. She didn't mind the small bedding arrangement, for she had to sleep on it whenever she stayed on the island for days at a time in the past.
The maroon-haired teen stood up off of her mat, and crossed the room to get her clothes. They had to be hung on the wall, because they were drenched when Riku capsized the three of them. She yawned, and felt her clothes, and to her contentment, they were perfectly dry. She slipped off her nightie, and changed into knee-length light pink shorts and a white tank-top. She heard someone stirring in another of the hut-rooms, so she quickly grabbed her pink vest off of the wall, and zipped it on.
The sun was warm, but not too hot, and Kairi soon realized that when she stepped out of her hut, shutting its poorly hinged door behind her. She had forgotten her shoes, but didn't bother to turn around and get them. The sand felt good between her toes anyway. Crossing the beach, she climbed the ladder to a lookout post, built on a couple of palms herself while she waited for Sora and Riku to return from their journey 2 years ago. She moved a little farther to the right. This way, when one of her friends left their hut, she'd be unseen. She was glad she had moved, and it was just in time.
Riku had stepped out of his hut, and reached up high, stretching his back. His clothes were a little ruffled, so Kairi just assumed it was because he dressed while he was still half-sleeping. He, too, was wearing no shoes, he had probably forgotten to put them on too. He descended the beach to the shoreline, stopping about a foot into the highest point of the water's tide, making sure only his feet would get wet. He then sat down with his knees up. Kairi noticed that he had rest his head on his knees, probably dozing off again.
A sound caused Kairi to turn her attention back to the huts. The sound wasn't very loud, but loud enough for her to hear it. Sora had just walked out of his hut, looking perfectly refreshed, and was sneaking down to the water's edge, in Riku's direction. He made sure that the sand he walked on wasn't making any crunching noises while he moved, so he seemed to be perfectly silent. He stopped about 4 feet behind Riku, with his arms outstretched in front of him. Kairi knew what was about to happen, but bothered not to yell out, for it would reveal her hiding spot. She braced herself for what she was about to see.
Riku had in fact dozed off, but not for long. With a loud roaring noise, Sora pounced, giving Riku no time to react. Sora landed on his mark perfectly, causing Riku to fall forward into the water with Sora pinning him down. Kairi giggled as soon as she saw this happen.
"Sora!" Riku yelled, snapping suddenly out of his shallow sleep, feeling a large object falling on him, which was in fact, Sora. Riku pushed his friend off of himself. "What was that for!"
"Never let your guard down. It may turn out to be fatal!" Sora said in a mockingly-accusatory tone. Standing up, he shook his finger at Riku as if he was shaming him.
"Yeah, it'll be fatal when I kill you for startling me again!" Riku shouted in a playful tone.
"Meh, lighten up," Sora said coolly, placing his hands behind his head.
"Now that you've awaken fully..." Riku said with a tone that was neither angry, nor playful. "...Go wake up Kairi. I didn't hear her wake up yet." Kairi, sitting in her lookout spot, suddenly tensed up when she heard that last sentence. She wasn't in her room, so she was awake, obviously.
"Fine." Sora walked over to Kairi's hut, and knocked softly. "Kairi, you up?" He half-whispered as he opened the door a crack. He saw nothing, so he opened the door fully. She was gone. Sora turned around to face in Riku's direction. "She's not here!" He shut the door and walked over to Riku.
"Where could she have gone?" Riku pondered. Kairi suppressed a giggle.
"Let's just look for her, I wanna do something fun..." Sora said simply.
"Eww..." Riku cringed.
"Not that kind of fun!" Sora yelled and smacked Riku in the back of the head, but not seriously. Riku laughed and just started walking.
"I'll go this way, you go... wherever..." Riku said plainly, and walked in the direction of the small island next to the main one.
Sora just walked straight forward, not realizing that he was about to walk directly underneath the lookout. He didn't even notice that it was made in his absence, and that he had never seen it before. He soon figured out that it was a big mistake. As soon as he was about 3 feet away from it, Kairi took this as a good chance. She crawled silently to the edge of the lookout, and yelled, "I'm right-" she jumped with a scream of "HERE!"
Sora had barely enough time to turn and look up, before falling backwards into the sand. Kairi landed on him gracefully, not landing too hard or in a bad spot. She sat up, and giggled.
"Kairi! You scared me!" Sora exclaimed, sat up a bit, with his upper body at a 45 degree angle with the sand below him.
"Never let your guard down. It may turn out to be fatal!" Kairi said, mimicking the tone Sora used only minutes earlier.
"You saw that?" Sora asked.
"Yeah, and it was pretty funny too!" Kairi giggled again.
"Yeah, it was... Now would you mind getting off of me?" Sora said, looking down and realized that Kairi was in a way... straddling him.
"Oh, right, sorry!" Kairi stood up, dusting herself off. Sora quickly followed suit. When Sora finished his dusting, he stood up straight. Kairi smiled at him. Wow, he thought. She can look pretty cute like that!
"Race you to the island!" Kairi suddenly said, snapping Sora from his small dream statement. Before he could agree, Kairi had already started forward at full speed.
"Hey, no fair! You're just like Riku!" Sora yelled to her playfully. He started, and the 2 best friends ran to show Riku where Kairi was.
Wow, that chapter ended kinda poorly, not very cliffhanger-ish...