Ave38

Good job with the prologue! This seems like a good starting place for the story. Welcome to Severin, a vest mystical and wondrous place, full of Kings,Queens,Thieves,nights,monsters,dragons,towns,vill

I love the mood you wrote! The language you used really helped me see the forest. You gave a very good starting point to the plot, while not making it ...

This conveys what it's like to lose a family member very well! I have a few minor critiques since I couldn't find anything super major with this. ""She just died. ...

I like how you characterized Lewa and Adelram! This new chapter was super interesting. I did spot a few mistakes. "“I set the traps, also patrolled just to be safe ...

This new update is super interesting! I love the dragon and the description of its wings. The bigger outlook you gave into Davis and the camp at large was great! ...

This is great! I love the new characters you've introduced. I'm a little bit confused. Did you switch perspectives? You started off with "The day my life changed began unlike ...

This is a very interesting premise! This world seems very mysterious. "prosonification" You would spell this as personification. "She left me nothing and hasn’t tried to write, where ever she ...

Wow. I love how you fleshed out Talia in this chapter! Her self-doubt, and hinting at her relation ship with her mother was really well done! The imagery for the ...

I really loved the tone on this! Your character descriptions were really clear and I felt like I was right there looking at them. Is Sigourney or Quinn her best ...

This is a really interesting idea! I can't wait to see where you take this! "but was so eligible and consistent, June wouldn’t have trouble believed that it was printed ...

I loved this! The cliff-hanger at the end was so perfectly timed. The description of the pain in the beginning really stuck out to me. "millions of volts went throw ...

I love the descriptions of this! The flashbacks you had really described her relationship with her mom. "It’s not fun when the first thing that wakes you up in the ...

Oh wow. I relate to this so much. This is basically me at every social event. "Now, I only knew, like, ten people," I would probably replace like with about ...

I love the descriptions you used for the fire, and the streets. You did a really good job setting the mood. "My mom used to say names held power, stories, ...

I liked this! You set a very mysterious mood with your language. "It wasn’t all too coordinated, wasn’t too much routine." I was confused about this sentence. "Those water vapours ...