Hi shazueca!
So, for a first chapter, I feel confused after reading this. I understand that you don't want to give away everything in the first chapter, but the writing felt vague, and I couldn't get a good handle on what was happening/what had happened and where this story would be going. I'll try to give a couple of lines to illustrate my point.
This is a story about what we have and what we don’t. ... This is a story about me and you.
As a first paragraph, I wasn't especially interested in this introduction. The issue for me is that while it has a dramatic feeling and gives us a slight idea of what is to come (the idea of people being missing seems to iterate through the story), it doesn't tell us much else. I have no idea who the narrator is. I don't know why I should care about the narrator. I don't know what they're doing, what part of the story they're in (I'm assuming this is supposed to be a reflection after the fact, but the rest of the story is written in present tense, which contradicts that idea), what they want, etc. It's ultimately you story that you can write how you wish, but we, as the readers, need some amount of concreteness that we can grasp onto and get excited to read onward.
The sun beamed down on a flourishing rain forest. Inside, a boy could be seen hiding under a collapsed tree, holding his knees to his chest on the floor. Within his eyes, an abyss.
This image confused me, because I don't know what this is supposed to be. The first paragraph established a first person narrator, thinking about their past experience. Is this supposed to be what the narrator sees right now? If there is supposed to be a jump in time or place, maybe adding asterisks or something else like italics could help differentiate this from the main narration? Also, who is this boy? What is he doing? He's mention vaguely in the beginning and maybe one other time in the chapter. Again, we don't need all the answers right now, but I don't understand what this sections of descriptions are supposed to be: visions? memories? the present day?
As well, I feel like there is a lack of setting. Is she supposed to be still at the campsite that she and her family had been on earlier? Even if she's struggling with her memory and might not be able to recognize it all, I wish there was still a bit more description of her surroundings so it doesn't read like she's stumbling around in blank space. This might even be able to enhance the disoriented feeling of the narrator, by trying to convey this to the reader.
So there is definitely a mystery here and a lot to unpack with the story, but as said before, I wish we were given just a little bit more, something concrete to grasp. The story ends with the narrator closing their eyes, likely thinking they will die, which doesn't seem like the best way to end a first chapter, since we know there is so much more to come from the rest of the novel. Give us some hints, some way to transition, something that will make us interested instead of being left a bit confused of the purpose of what we just read. If that makes sense?
I didn't dislike this chapter, but I felt it could definitely be stronger. Hope you're able to continue this ~
Happy writing!
~ Wolfe
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