AlexOfLight

Hello Shikora! I think it improved a lot from the first draft. There are a few issues in this and one is that some paragraphs that have sentences that start ...

I freaking want to find her address and murder the jerk-face in her sleep! Don't worry though, I won't do it. No matter how much I hate her. I hope ...

I don't see anything wrong with this, probably because I haven't read the Bartimaeus trilogy. It seems loosely Minecraft, but I'm assuming that the Bartimaeus trilogy is really what's guiding ...

I love the prologue!!! I honestly dont see whatś wrong with it. What I like The story has to do with color. Itś the first one Ive seen! I like ...

This story is amazing! Iḿ in suspence! What I like. I like the begining. Itś like a legend! Her next words send chills down Cato’s body, forcing him to jump ...

I understand. I'm autistic. You're talking about Autism speaks, right? I HATE them! I can't say that name without feeling hate, much less even think of it! There is no ...

It's so fun and beautiful! I agree with the title! I'm just going to summarise what the other reviewers, and expand upon what they're saying, and point out other things. ...

Ah, so beautiful! Your poem is so vivid, and inspiring! It makes me want to make a picture of her! It just flows so well, and the atmosphere of the ...

I love how you told the chapter! You created a vived image full of color (he he he, get it?), and you don't have too much or too little. This ...

I kinda like how you wrote the story. It sort of seems like Iron Trials, but different to. I have Aspergers, but something doesn't seem right about Luke. It might ...

I love your poem, but the rhyme isn't great. It makes it so much more chaotic. It's like.... ripples in a pool of water. Try changing some of the words ...

I think this is a brilliant idea! I love how you set up the story. I like how you showed instead of tell. It just seems so realistic and emoitional! ...

LOL! I like that it rhymes, and that there is a legend. Yeah.... that's about it for what I like about it. Okay, what I don't like in the song. ...

Why did you post the same thing again? Anyways.... "Pretty easy shot, for someone who’s father is a black belt in Taijutsu." What?! That's new! Information right smack in the ...

I don't know what to say.... I guess I could say it's amazing! It could use some work though, especially with description. You're not exactly giving enough vivid details for ...