Young Writers Society

Hey Anupama68A, here for a Review Day review,

Positives:

The misty beads danced upon her brow,

As she sang a tune and pebbles threw,

In reflections of her blithe young frame,

Magic once lost was now regained.

Her dress was made of hues of blue,

It matched the sky and reached her foot.

Hey, Anupama! Lupa here from Team Snow! Let's begin.

1) The first two lines are rhyming, but the rhyme sounds kind of forced. Why in the world would someone be standing on a tree? And why does the narrator care so much as to mention that the world can see her hair? The rhyme seems to hold back the meaning of the poem and limits your word choices. If that's what the rhyme is doing, cut it out.

2) Your imagery is vivid, which is really good. Keep it in there, please.

3) Again, in the last stanza, the rhyme sounds forced. Besides, "brow" and "threw" don't really rhyme as much as your other words in different stanzas.

This was hard to critique because it was so good, but I hope my review helped! Have a wonderful day/evening/night and happy Review Day!

XOX,
Lupa22

Ah, so beautiful! Your poem is so vivid, and inspiring! It makes me want to make a picture of her! It just flows so well, and the atmosphere of the poem reminds me of waterfalls and rainbows!

"Her eyes were lit with specs of gold,

In silver lakes and wisdom old."

I love these two lines especially. They rhyme, they're fluent, they're vivid and beautiful.

"Frills were never to her taste,

She wore no shoes and ate with haste."

I didn't like this as much because the "ate with haste." I see where you're going with this though.

"Her beauty shone when the clouds turned grey,

When dirt filled her toes and rain wet her mane."

I truly think that this is where the poem is most vivid. It's so simple yet so beautiful!


"As she sang a tune and pebbles threw,"

Is the song making pebbles fly?

I hope this was helpful!

Have a merry Christmas!


-Alex

Hey, Poetrybug19 for a review
First, let me say that this poem had a beautiful rhythm, and that is hard for many experienced poets to find. There are a few parts however, that do not make sense to me. I'm not saying you should change, some poets mean for their work to not make sense, but this line, for instance:
"As she sang a tune and pebbles threw"
The words do not add up, but the rest of your poem does. It is a very magical poem, and I enjoyed reading it.
Hope you gained some insight by this. Happy writing1