z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Part 1 Chapter 1

by emmals16


In the times before Vielden, there was nothing but death. Destruction.

War had obliterated what the world once was, massive encasements of metal and light exploded against the ground, leveling everything in their path.

One last tree remained by the end of it, decrepit as it was. All other life was wiped out because of man. The sprite of this remaining tree opened its arms to the world, creating a sanctuary for life to blossom and for the remaining few humans to thrive in. This Great Sprite divided itself into three equal parts. Body, spirit, and mind.

The spirit would defend the last forest, a place everyone except sprites are forbidden to enter.

The mind would guide the sprites and humans throughout their lives.

The body would be the very core of the land, only to be accessed if one of the other two had it in their presence. But, it’s form would be unknown to all.

--------

Nothing shall be as core shattering as having one's destiny ripped from their hands, and replaced with something that will never be as satisfactory. Something that will never fulfill that individual's soul with its needs.

The laws of the land had always been that the first born would search for The Great Sprite’s chosen soul, The Guardian, and together the two of them would guide the second born, the king or queen of Vielden, in every judgment they make for the kingdom.

Laws evolve, and when Evalouise, the first born, was discovered to be The Guardian, that’s precisely what had happened. Deciding that the ruler of the land should be The Guardian themself, Evalouise was crowned Queen of Vielden on her twentieth birthday, casting a grave shadow over the sister she loved.

The younger sister, Princess Leandra, felt anger at the betrayal of her sister and parents. She grew to resent them all, growing cold and distant at every passing day.

A ghoul, an evil sprite that feeds off of the life around it, waned Leandra under his influence. With the help of this ghoul and her already festering anger, Leandra attacked.

Those twenty-one years ago was the first time Vielden had shaken with such ferocity. Princess Leandra and Queen Evalouise battled that moonlit night. Destruction of the palace, and the city of Douva took place, and a forced evacuation of the city began, upon Queen Evalouise’s orders.

Queen Evalouise’s gentleness was her downfall, and she refused to kill her dear sister no matter how much hatred Princess Leandra had in her heart for her, but she was also adamant about preventing the ghoul from corrupting her kingdom. In an act of self-sacrifice, the queen ripped the ghoul out from within her sister’s soul, and sealed it within her own.

The Guardian closed her eyes, and turned to stone in the moon’s rays of light.

Upon her sister’s sacrifice, Princess Leandra claimed the crown and took her rightful place on the throne, but it was short lived.

Ghouls that had been under Anzu, the devil who had been sealed away with the queen, swarmed Vielden, no longer unable to enter due to the protection of The Guardian. Life faded from everything, and the kingdom was sanctioned under the clouded skies of Vielden’s demise.

Queen Evalouise disappeared, hidden away at the ghouls’ doing.

And Queen Leandra, she was banished to the Outlands. Never was she to return, but the banished queen was allowed to live and wander the destroyed lands of mankind.

Then and forevermore.

--------

Part 1

Chapter one

As it was long before, food had become the main source of struggle. With the absence of life, plants were unable to grow. In other words: food was unable to grow. That meant starvation had become a true threat to mankind. And, in the field of purple light, there was no where else to go to find more.

They were trapped.

“At least we aren’t in the main city, eh?”

Cato, a young boy with a naturally angry face, grunted in reply. His hands worked swiftly, weaving the dead vines into baskets and containers that would hopefully sell later on. Not likely, but he let himself believe there was some sort of possibility they would. The piles of discarded baskets out back would try to drag him down away from the hope, but he held fast.

His uncle, Timothy, smiled to himself, “Yep, over there they have those ghouls to worry about.” he clicked his tongue when he messed up on his very own basket, “Those blood thirsty demons won’t wander out to the likes of here. Be thankful, Cato.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m very thankful we live in a dead wasteland.” Cato rolled his eyes, sloppily finishing up his basket. Once finished, he stood and tossed it at his uncle, who caught it with little more than a sidelong glance.

Cato slipped on his sandals, throwing his robes around himself carelessly and opened their rotting door. The dust from outside whipped in as the door creaked open, sending whirlwinds of dirt inside.

“I'm going out, Uncle Timothy.” he murmured, and stepped out before any reply could be said. Once outside, he went about the duty of wandering from their little shack by the border to Exoterus, the village they lived by.

Exoterus was a farming community, or used to be before the ghouls invaded. They were the main source of corn and wheat, as well as being producers of a few other things here and there. Carrots, squash, watermelon, cabbage, and strawberries.

What Cato would give to taste a strawberry now.

Once Queen Evalouise incarcerated herself in stone, and Queen Leandra was banished, everything slowly began dying. After twenty-one years of ghouls stealing the life from the land they lived on, the ground was covered in a layer of dust, completely hopeless for growing even the most simplest things.

Luckily, the people of Exoterus can find roots and other bland nourishment to consume, but there’s no way they could share with all of Vielden. They’re on their own.

When Cato makes it into Exoterus he can see the townspeople in the small market outside the residential area. Trading more than selling. Crazy Meg offers crumbs of bread, and her neighbors trade various roots and animal products for them.

Cato skips the market area without looking at it. He has nothing to offer, after all, and he’d only be a joke if he actually tried to beg.

No, instead he wanders off to the fenced in area where the livestock roam. Cows and goats mostly. But there’s probably a pig here or there. Or a chicken.

Just as he approaches the fence, a white chicken scampers beside him, pecking at the dust like it was food. Somehow, all these animals had survived for this long, feeding off of the few plants that would blossom for short periods of time, fighting back against the life sucking ghouls. They adapted, as did all of us.

“Xenia, time to come home!” Catp shouts, fighting against a particularly strong gust of wind.

The small girl, face covered in a heavy scarf and hood pulled up over her eyes turns abruptly then. Smile evident even with her mouth covered, “Hi, Cato!”

Cato waves unenthusiastically, humoring his little sister, “Yes, hi Xenia. Get out from in there.” He leans against the molding fence, ignoring the moans it sounds at his additional weight. His sister turns back around for a second, kneeling and then comes scampering back to him.

In her wake, she leaves a small, brutish looking dog who looks after her with a wag of her tail.

Xenia walks up to Cato, creaking the door open with a cheeky smile, but Cato continues to stare at the dog, “Where’s he come from?”

“Hm?” Xenia hums questionably, tracking her older brother’s eyes to her canine companion, “Oh, not sure, but she doesn’t belong to anyone here.”

“I haven’t ever seen a dog here.”

Xenia ponders that, snapping her fingers, “Crazy Meg once had a dog, before we were born though. Uncle Timothy said so.” she leans in close, her eyes wide, “He said people thought she ate ‘im. That was the moment she went completely crazy.”

Cato pushes her face away from him, taking his weight back from the fence and turning on his heel to wander back hom.

“Special tonight.” Cato murmurs quietly, rubbing a dirty hand across his face to get rid of the dust, “Mom’s favorite.”

Xenia hops once in excitement, “Grub Soup!”

And Cato nods, “Yep. Since it’s mom’s birthday, Uncle Timothy figured we could feast. Why not, I suppose.” The market area comes back into view, “He spent all morning and afternoon digging in the old field out back just to find enough grubs, and you know how hard that is right?”

Xenia doesn’t answer, and it takes Cato a second to understand why. Crazy Meg’s voice echoes all the way to where they are on the street, shouting and ranting. Through the dust clouds, her figure appears, hunched over in front of a crowd waving her arms around. Pointing, Cato realizes.

“Crazy Meg’s going at it, again.” Xenia murmurs, “Wonder who freaked her out this time.”

Cato’s walking speeds up, resulting in him passing his sister and leaving her following him a few feet behind. As he gets closer, the figures of the villagers become more clear until he can see them all, draped in heavy robes and scarves, staring at her with uncomfortable twinkles in their eyes.

“-demon, and you allowed for it to come into this here town!” Crazy Meg screeches, her silver hair whipping around in the wind, knotting up around her attempted hair tie, “Disgraceful!”

“Meguri, are you even listening to yourself?” Mayor Jonathan asks, stepping out from the crowd, “This is a refugee from Bouva. She’s come to take sanctuary here from the ghouls.”

“No!” Crazy Meg screams again stomping her foot and pointing a long-nailed finger in the direction of a skeletal woman huddled on the ground, face completely hidden and a checkered blanket below her.

“This thing here is one of the demons itself!” all the townsfolk shake their heads in bafflement, some even turning and leaving, “Lies! Lies! Lies!”

Xenia touches my shoulder softly, “Did Mayor Jon say that lady was from Bouva?”

“Yeah,” Cato responds, “Can’t believe there’s anyone even living in the capital anymore.”

“It must be swarming there with ghouls.” a voice says from behind them, but neither Xenia nor Cato flinch away from the voice, “That’s probably why she left, so technically there’s a possibility that no one lives there now.”

Stehling grabs both of her sibling’s shoulders from behind, pulling them to her and holds them their. Protective Cato reminds himself, just like mom.

“Okay, enough of this.” Mayor Jonathan says, holding his hand up. As if on cue, a crowd of men circle round him, reaching for Crazy Meg. She screams as they drag her away, pulling away from their grasps to no avail. Before they know it, all the three siblings can still hear or see is Crazy Meg’s inconstant screams over the howl of the dusted wind.

The crowd dissipates after that, either going home, or going back to the market. Before either Xenia or Cato can refuse, Stehling begins dragging them over to the huddled woman on the ground who hadn't moved an edge since they had arrived.

“Sorry about that, ma’am.” Stehling says immediately, full of confidence and assurance that it’s her job to apologize to the poor dear, “Crazy Meg is, well, crazy.”

The huddled woman says nothing, and doesn’t react to their presence at all.

Stehling releases her siblings, both Cato and Xenia scampering away a couple feet. Xenia corrects herself immediately, going to stand beside her older sister without another thought, “They’re just going to bring her to her home, but they’ll make sure she doesn’t bother you again.”

Stehling’s inherited red, shining hair reflects a nearby torch as it’s lit, and her face is shown to be unsure of what to say next. Deciding they should make their way home, Stehling straightens her back, taking her younger sister’s hand, “Again, I apologize for Crazy Meg again. Have a fine night, miss.”

She turns to leave, acknowledging Cato as she does and dragging the starring Xenia after her, but then she’s abruptly stopped with a harsh tug to her free hand.

Stehling yelps, startled, but corrects herself and meets eyes with the previously huddled woman only a moment later. Her face is pristine as stone as she stares into the red daggers the woman has for eyes, her skeletal hand digging into her flesh.

“Hey, what are you-” Cato about yells, taking a step forward to intervene, but Stehling holds a hand up.

“I would appreciate it if you unhanded me.” She instead grinds out, her face keeping its neutral look, “Please.”

Below her sleeve, Stehling feels a freezing-burning sensation, and bites her lip.

“What a lovely necklace, my dear.” the croak comes out a whisper, but the power behind the words are enough for Stehling to rip her hand free.

“What-”

“It would be a shame if you . . . misplaced it . . . wouldn’t it?”

Cato grabs hold of his two sisters, tugging them away. Stehling watches the woman the entire time her younger brother drags her away, up until the moment the dust blocks her vision, and even after.

--------

“Uncle Timothy, it was weird.” Cato can hear his sister from the upper level of their house, the holes in the floor leaving plenty of opportunity for sounds to travel up to their little room, “I’m not one for judging people right off the bat, but she left little room for me not to.”

Xenia snores in her own bed on the other side of the small, rickety room, tucked in dusty blankets and drool.

“Stehl, I understand she put you on edge, but are you sure she wasn't just a disturbed woman who was trying to compliment you.”

Cato can only imagine the face his older sister gives his uncle in that moment. She’s practically a perfect replica of their mother, and that face would be the sign for Uncle Timothy to avoid her for a couple minutes, but of course he’s Uncle Timothy, and he doesn’t take hints. Luckily for him, Stehling is a little more controlling of her frustration than their hard headed, take-crap-from-nobody mother.

“I meant, maybe she was just trying to thank you for approaching her like you did.” Uncle Timothy continues, “It is an attractive necklace, Stehl.”

Xenia repositions herself in her bed, causing creeks to run across the floor boards.

“Uncle, look.”

Of course, Cato can’t exactly see them from where they are, so he slowly moves across the floor, in search of another hole to look through. He’s mindful of the creeks, knowing there is a grave difference between a creek from moving in bed, and walking across the floor.

“How did that happen!” Cato’s alarmed at the sudden tone change that their uncle never really gets, and Stehling’s shushing tells him she is just as startled.

“Keep your voice down, they’re sleeping.”

“I know, just . . .”

Finally, Cato finds another hole in the floorboards, and peeking through it he can see both Stehling and Uncle Timothy standing beside each other, examining her arm. The same arm the creepy woman had grabbed hold of. Cato maneuvers himself trying to see what exactly is wrong with it, but fails doing so. Stehling takes her arm back uncertainly, wrapping it in something and tucking it back in her sleeve.

“There’s only one option then.” Uncle Timothy murmurs, running a hand through his shagging brown hair, “We’ll have to notify Mayor Jonathan tomorrow morning when the sun rises. It’s too dangerous now.

“You know what this’ll mean, though. Don’t you?”

No, Cato wants to whisper, but doesn’t dare, too wary that they might hear him.

“Yes, but it’ll be worth it.” Stehling sounds worried, despite her play on trying to seem stoic.

Her next words send chills down Cato’s body, forcing him to jump from the floor back into his rickety bed only feet away.

“There’s a ghoul in Exoterus.”

--------


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User avatar
16 Reviews


Points: 9818
Reviews: 16

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Thu Dec 29, 2016 1:23 am
AlexOfLight wrote a review...



This story is amazing! Iḿ in suspence!

What I like.

I like the begining. Itś like a legend!

Her next words send chills down Cato’s body, forcing him to jump from the floor back into his rickety bed only feet away.

“There’s a ghoul in Exoterus.”

I love the ending! It really puts you on edge!

There is 2 things that I know of, that could be fixed though.

Catp

You mean Cato, right?

Stehling grabs both of her sibling’s shoulders from behind, pulling them to her and holds them their. Protective Cato reminds himself, just like mom.

This sentence makes no sence.

This is all I have to say. I could come up with anything else to say.

I can wait for the next chapter!

-Alex




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17 Reviews


Points: 39
Reviews: 17

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Thu Dec 29, 2016 1:12 am
Hikarufire64 says...



Hey Hikaru here with a review.

"As it was long before, food had become the main source of struggle. With the absence of life, plants were unable to grow. In other words: food was unable to grow. That meant starvation had become a true threat to mankind." First off this paragrapgh kinda repeats whats already stated. Instead of that you could say.
"As it was long before, food had become the main source of struggle. With the absence of life, plants were unable to grow and produce foods for people to eat and survive off of which made it more difficult for humans to live."

"Not likely, but he let himself believe there was some sort of possibility they would."
I kinda seemed to me right here that the narrator had an opinion of how something like this would work out, if your aiming for the narrator to have a mind of their own then that could be interesting, but it could also be an issue since it would lead to them telling or guessing the story ahead or siding with someone or something. But if this is just a standard fact in this world that is just being pointed out then thats fine.

"What Cato would give to taste a strawberry now."
This sentence is out of place when you were detailing the town's history and information. this would better fit in sonewhere where Cato would be walking through town.

"Once Queen Evalouise incarcerated herself in stone, and Queen Leandra was banished, everything slowly began dying. After twenty-one years of ghouls stealing the life from the land they lived on, the ground was covered in a layer of dust, completely hopeless for growing even the most simplest things."

This part here should be right after you say cato leaves for town. Just swap it with the desscribtion of the town and it womt confuse the reader of how your going about descriptions.

"When Cato makes it into Exoterus he can see the townspeople in the small market outside the residential area. Trading more than selling. Crazy Meg offers crumbs of bread, and her neighbors trade various roots and animal products for them."
First off, i suggest writing in past tense of this story just because present tense is a bit awkard to read and hard to write in, heres an easier version of this story to read.

"Cato arrived at Exoterus where he could see the townspeople in the small market outside the residential area. Crazy Meg who was trading more than selling. Was offering crumbs of breadas ususl, and her neighbors where trading various roots and animal products for them."


"Cato skipp the market area without looking at it. He has nothing to offer, after all, and he’d only be a joke if he actually tried to beg."
Another past to present sentence problem. Here another version of this.

"Cato skipped the market area without looking at it. He had nothing to offer, after all, and he’d only be a joke if he actually tried to beg."

"No, instead he wanders off to the fenced in area where the livestock roam. Cows and goats mostly. But there’s probably a pig here or there. Or a chicken." Another past to present snd another easier read variation.

"But instead, he wandered off to the fenced in area where the livestock roam which are Cows and goats mostly and a pig or chicken there too." The narrator seems to constantly put his opinion in as if he's an actual character inside the story which is already in the third person perspective

"Just as he approaches the fence, a white chicken scampers beside him, pecking at the dust like it was food. Somehow, all these animals had survived for this long, feeding off of the few plants that would blossom for short periods of time, fighting back against the life sucking ghouls. They adapted, as did all of us."

At the point it seems like the narrater has lived in this world like the rest of these charcters have. Also correscted ver.

"Just as he approached the fence, a white chicken scampered beside him, pecking at the dust like it was food. Somehow, all these animals had survived for this long, feeding off of the few plants that would blossom for short periods of time, fighting back against the life sucking ghouls. They adapted, as did all the residences."

This story seems great so far and i hope to see more of it, read ya later!




User avatar
17 Reviews


Points: 39
Reviews: 17

Donate
Thu Dec 29, 2016 1:12 am
Hikarufire64 wrote a review...



Hey Hikaru here with a review.

"As it was long before, food had become the main source of struggle. With the absence of life, plants were unable to grow. In other words: food was unable to grow. That meant starvation had become a true threat to mankind." First off this paragrapgh kinda repeats whats already stated. Instead of that you could say.
"As it was long before, food had become the main source of struggle. With the absence of life, plants were unable to grow and produce foods for people to eat and survive off of which made it more difficult for humans to live."

"Not likely, but he let himself believe there was some sort of possibility they would."
I kinda seemed to me right here that the narrator had an opinion of how something like this would work out, if your aiming for the narrator to have a mind of their own then that could be interesting, but it could also be an issue since it would lead to them telling or guessing the story ahead or siding with someone or something. But if this is just a standard fact in this world that is just being pointed out then thats fine.

"What Cato would give to taste a strawberry now."
This sentence is out of place when you were detailing the town's history and information. this would better fit in sonewhere where Cato would be walking through town.

"Once Queen Evalouise incarcerated herself in stone, and Queen Leandra was banished, everything slowly began dying. After twenty-one years of ghouls stealing the life from the land they lived on, the ground was covered in a layer of dust, completely hopeless for growing even the most simplest things."

This part here should be right after you say cato leaves for town. Just swap it with the desscribtion of the town and it womt confuse the reader of how your going about descriptions.

"When Cato makes it into Exoterus he can see the townspeople in the small market outside the residential area. Trading more than selling. Crazy Meg offers crumbs of bread, and her neighbors trade various roots and animal products for them."
First off, i suggest writing in past tense of this story just because present tense is a bit awkard to read and hard to write in, heres an easier version of this story to read.

"Cato arrived at Exoterus where he could see the townspeople in the small market outside the residential area. Crazy Meg who was trading more than selling. Was offering crumbs of breadas ususl, and her neighbors where trading various roots and animal products for them."


"Cato skipp the market area without looking at it. He has nothing to offer, after all, and he’d only be a joke if he actually tried to beg."
Another past to present sentence problem. Here another version of this.

"Cato skipped the market area without looking at it. He had nothing to offer, after all, and he’d only be a joke if he actually tried to beg."

"No, instead he wanders off to the fenced in area where the livestock roam. Cows and goats mostly. But there’s probably a pig here or there. Or a chicken." Another past to present snd another easier read variation.

"But instead, he wandered off to the fenced in area where the livestock roam which are Cows and goats mostly and a pig or chicken there too." The narrator seems to constantly put his opinion in as if he's an actual character inside the story which is already in the third person perspective

"Just as he approaches the fence, a white chicken scampers beside him, pecking at the dust like it was food. Somehow, all these animals had survived for this long, feeding off of the few plants that would blossom for short periods of time, fighting back against the life sucking ghouls. They adapted, as did all of us."

At the point it seems like the narrater has lived in this world like the rest of these charcters have. Also correscted ver.

"Just as he approached the fence, a white chicken scampered beside him, pecking at the dust like it was food. Somehow, all these animals had survived for this long, feeding off of the few plants that would blossom for short periods of time, fighting back against the life sucking ghouls. They adapted, as did all the residences."

This story seems great so far and i hope to see more of it, read ya later!





Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
— Groucho Marx