Queer Inklings

Queer Inklings

Come join and discuss LGBT+ issues and give support to all who seek it!

  • 171 forum topics
  • 1900 wall posts
  • Created Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:44 pm

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1900 posts — share updates and reply to club members.


  • Wolfi replied · 5h ago

    @ToastK C:


  • PEACHY replied · Yesterday

    I'm really happy for you that ur friend respects ur identity


  • ArdenJinn
    ArdenJinn · Sep 20
    Okay, I don't know if this is me being dramatic or stubborn cause I've been told both.

    Spoiler
    my grandparents on my dad side are super conservative and if they found I was bi or nonbinary they'd throw my entire family out for "raising me wrong" and stuff like that. It wouldnt be good. I really hate going to see them because it's stressful, I'm worried my littler siblings might slip and out me, I really don't want to be around people that won't want to have a relationship if they found out, and it's really exhausting to be called by the wrong pronouns and my dead name all day. It's really hard for my dad because he accepts me and he's already had struggles with my grandpa for not raising me to be a "good Christian girl". I've brought this up with my parents and they keep saying to "leave it alone." Its just super hard to want to be with people that would hate me for who I am and I don't know what to do. Am I being dramatic or stubborn?

    winterwolf0100 replied · Sep 20

    Not dramatic or stubborn. My grandmother on my dad’s side is the same way. I love her but I get anxious being around her. I’m already out, and she deadnames consistently and purposely. It’s exhausting and not someone anyone should have to go through. If you want a relationship with them, however difficult it is, that is okay but it should be YOUR choice to make. You shouldn’t have to struggle and be in pain to placate others. I’m very sorry <33


    EASkelly replied · Sep 20

    You aren't dramatic or stubborn. I have a hard time being around my family at times because I know that they only accept a fake version of me, not my true self, and it stresses me out severely. Heck, I have had a relative tell me to my face that my sexuality didn't matter because I was going to "marry a man anyways". It hurts a lot, and there is simply nothing I can do about it because I would have to change their beliefs to make them even accept me. That is how it is in your situation to: it hurts, but you can't make them accept you. The thing is that it is your choice to not want to see that and your family needs to accept that fact. I know it isn't necessarily the same, but I have cousins with terrible manners and cause my anxiety to spike, so I told my family flat-out that I either hide inside of some corner for hours on end every time they force me around them or they make the choice to let me not want to see them. I am now allowed to stay completely away from my cousins if they ever have to be in the same area as I do (though part of it was because my parents didn't want me to stay "dramatic"). I am not sure if that would work in your case, but that is just what helped me in a specific situation.


  • ArdenJinn replied · Sep 18

    OH MY GOSH YAY!!


    EASkelly replied · Sep 19

    Congratulations.


    canopy replied · Sep 19

    OMG CONGRATS!!!! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU AHHHH!!!


    funkkabbage replied · Sep 19

    congrats!


    spottedpebble replied · 18h ago

    CONGRATS! That's awesome!!!


  • EASkelly replied · Sep 19

    If you don't feel comfortable with the name, then it isn't any better. I don't know how long you have been friends with this person, but I would talk to them and if they continue calling you that, I recommend letting go of the friendship.


  • WeepingWisteria
    WeepingWisteria · Sep 16
    Spoiler
    God, I want top surgery so bad. I hate my chest so much. It's so big that no matter what I wear, it's always visible. I never pass how I want. I never look androgynous, and I genuinely think it's just because of my chest, because I have short hair and I often dress pretty androgynous or masc. I wish my body shape weren't so distinctly feminine. I wish my dad called me by my name. I wish he called me his son at least once. I love being queer and getting to be who I am, but I feel like I'm trapped in this box where my identity is a joke to so many people. When people complain about trans people who "don't try hard enough to pass" they're talking about me. When people complain about trans mascs who still wear makeup, they're talking about me. When people say that they hate trans men who are femboys, they're talking about me. I'm not right for so many people, inside and outside of my community. I have a supportive girlfriend and supportive friends, but it's exhausting to see so much hostility towards my identity. I've gotten comments like this at a gay bar. Homophobes already hate us why are we attacking each other? Ugh!

    EASkelly replied · Sep 16

    I get this feeling so much (hating my body/looks), and it truly is tiring when people hate others over something that is quite frankly none of their business. The thing is: you will never be right for everyone. Neither will I, the rest of this club, or the entire world. There will always be at least one person who dislikes something about you, and that won't change because everyone's opinions are different. There is no "right" in terms of just existing unless someone is actively harming others in any way, and in that case, they are wrong about their actions. If you are "right" for those that you care about (your girlfriend and friends), then that matters more than what a stranger thinks.


  • ArdenJinn replied · Sep 12

    Oh it's so affirming. I felt like I could actually go places after I cut my hair


  • Skorpionne replied · Sep 2

    This is why it's so important that allies are welcome at pride, imo - it gives cover to anyone who can't be open about their identity. Ace people are 100% part of the community, exclusionists be damned. <3


  • EASkelly
    EASkelly · Aug 31
    Random question, but does anybody else ever feel like they are behind on information regarding the queer community? I don't mean what is going on in it (even if that is true to me), I mean the different terms and flags because there are so many that I gave up trying to look up all of the names when I see them somewhere.

  • winterwolf0100 replied · Aug 28

    I had this SO OFTEN when I was younger. Appropriate response would be “were you too young to know you were straight?” OR if you wanna be a little less pointed, “I don’t have to be a certain age to know I don’t wanna be stabbed with a knife!! They feel the same to me!”

    Really tho even if you end up in a different place or wanting different things in the future, so what??? Your feelings right now are valid and shouldn’t be undermined bc of your age. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that <33


    canopy replied · Aug 28

    Spoiler
    “were you too young to know you were straight?”

    I TRIED THAT but then they launched into some convoluted argument about how I was placing too much emphasis on the importance of sex and how everybody finds that disgusting anyway and some patriarchal rephrasal of women have 'passive' sexuality that takes years to develop and men have an 'aggressive' sexuality so really women dont like sex actually and I didn't know how to respond to that because when I tried suggesting otherwise I got hit with a "how would you know I'm so much older I know about the world you are a child, everyone your age feels this way"


    winterwolf0100 replied · Aug 28

    LOL “everybody finds it disgusting” no they don’t. A lot of people actually REALLY want it… sounds like an ace person in denial honestly >.>


    canopy replied · Aug 28

    Spoiler
    sounds like an ace person in denial honestly >.>


    I suggested that too ToT but then they went well no?? everyone feels like that, that's the whole point, there's no point of an ace label anyway what benefit does that have? (the argument was you need gay labels to let people know what kind of partner you want but if you're het and ace then there's no need so it's not a label actually)


    serrodyne replied · Aug 28

    As an ace person this is my whole experience summed up


    Skorpionne replied · Aug 28

    This is a tough one. It's horrible to not be taken seriously just because of your age. Especially when, as winterwolf said, you just KNOW that they wouldn't be saying this about being straight.

    My advice would be: you don't actually have to respond at all. You can say something boring and noncommittal like 'hmm, maybe' and then change the subject (I got that trick from the Captain Awkward blog!). Don't get caught in the trap of defending your identity - I know it's awful and hurtful to have people not believe you, but you are going to remain ace whether or not they do. You don't have to waste time fighting about it with people who are committed to misunderstanding you. (And even if you do change your mind one day - who cares! It's your reality now!)

    This is easier for me to say with an extra decade of life and the ability to no longer live with my parents/guardians, admittedly. Sorry. Hang in there - it truly does get better.


    canopy replied · Aug 28

    thank you all for the messages <3 this actually made me feel so much better <333


    EASkelly replied · Aug 29

    I feel this a lot! I am in the closet, so nobody says this to me specifically, but they talk around me about it a bit too much. In my mind, I can't speak for how people in your life will respond to anything I offer as advice because I know for certain my own family would yell at me until I broke down if I said anything remotely connected to my sexuality or gender, so take what I say with caution as it will not work for everyone. In general, though, you can always try avoiding the conversation. Sure, it sucks to not be able to express yourself fully, but if people are only going to make you feel bad over it, I think just avoiding the conversation while still being yourself is better than having your sense of life be beaten down when they push you into the trap of making themselves feel better by bringing others down. Naturally, that doesn't account for if people bring it up without you starting the conversation, but I would advise that you think out how to respond and take a deep breath before saying anything because people who want to bring you down will look at your tone and words to see if they successfully got the reaction they wanted. I apologize for the rant though; I hope that it gets better eventually.



the only theft here is of decency when carina decided to rob me of my pride and put me on a banana
— veeren