Queer Inklings

God, I want top surgery so bad. I hate my chest so much. It's so big that no matter what I wear, it's always visible. I never pass how I want. I never look androgynous, and I genuinely think it's just because of my chest, because I have short hair and I often dress pretty androgynous or masc. I wish my body shape weren't so distinctly feminine. I wish my dad called me by my name. I wish he called me his son at least once. I love being queer and getting to be who I am, but I feel like I'm trapped in this box where my identity is a joke to so many people. When people complain about trans people who "don't try hard enough to pass" they're talking about me. When people complain about trans mascs who still wear makeup, they're talking about me. When people say that they hate trans men who are femboys, they're talking about me. I'm not right for so many people, inside and outside of my community. I have a supportive girlfriend and supportive friends, but it's exhausting to see so much hostility towards my identity. I've gotten comments like this at a gay bar. Homophobes already hate us why are we attacking each other? Ugh!