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141,342 Literary Works • 674,350 Reviews
I'm sorry to say that you lost me after the first 5 lines. I kept reading hoping it would get clearer, but it didn't really help. I think it might have been because you introduced too many characters at once, because the only one who had a personality that I could really latch onto was Connor, and that was because she entered late. I liked the description of the sheep, but overall this seemed a bit rambling, not focusing on one thing for long enough for us to get a sense of it and jumping all over. Anyway, hope that helps.
Yes, actually. These eight characters are basically my seminary class condensed. Everyone has contributed a trait to one or more characters, except Brother Sanchez, who is my seminary teacher in all ways except name. XD
To answer your question about Sariah and Connor, Nixon, they hate each other the only way girls do; for trivial or no reasons. There actually were two girls who had some major friction from seventh to ninth grade, but they're chill now, and this is far exaggerated. The reason why the two girls in my class hated each other, though, was because one hated "tom-boys" and the other hated "girly-girls."
And as to Connor being a Mormon name; no, it really isn't. But very Mormon girl names are hard to find, and it's even harder to find one that can be modified into a boy's name. I'm still searching her name...maybe I'll name her Alma
Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I sure enjoyed this. Very believable Mormon dialogue. : )
It was a bit hard to follow with all the different characters. I HATE writing scripts though, so I don't have any good advice on how to fix it. Sorry.
I felt a little confused. Why do Sariah and Connor hate each other?
Is this based on your real life?
I might be wrong, but I don't remember Connor being a Mormon name... you could name her Abish! haha
My one nitpick is you said "Book of Mormons" when it's clearly "Books of Mormon." Haven't you ever seen The Best Two Years? haha.
Sorry I don't have much to add. It's a funny, realistic scene.
rachel