I know this that you sometimes feel you must hide, in order to maintain your usual life, and keep people happy. I think you also see it as a weakness or a cry for attention feel like not telling anyone, and it isn't a big deal and nobody cares or would understand anyway, so why bother? That is wrong though. I only want to help you through this thing. "I am here for you and whenever you feel like talking I'll always be willing to listen and to try and understand.
You are the most valuable thing in the world to me, and I will always be here for you. Maybe I can understand certain things. I've cried myself to sleep many many times. I usually feel like this because I have goals and dreams that seem so far away and I can't reach them. I don't have any close friends or family, really, so that makes me feel lonely. Nobody ever talks to me unless they want something.
I imagine you go through your day you think you need to fight alone – thoughts of neglect, of exclusion, of never being good enough for yourself, and certainly not for anyone else. The brave face that you have for the world is the same one you have for yourself. But at day's end, that mask comes off – it has to. You need to breathe.
But you cry because you live in a world with nothing meant for you, at least not in the way things are meant for others. You cry because your tears are your only solace; it is the only way you can ask for what you really need.
I think it's human nature to feel like there's always something missing. I have yet to meet someone who feels like their life is perfect and there's nothing else they should accomplish. We are always after something, even if that path might lead us to suffering.
It breaks my heart that you hurt yourself sometimes. I cried about that, too, for all the good it did you. But I know the you would like nothing better than to feel happy again and be content. I won't tell you to stop being depressed or be happier. that is out of your control.
Depression is a sickness, not a choice. Just because I don't mention it doesn't mean I don't care. I hope to help you with that by being here for you and providing safer alternatives. One that I might suggest, and I use myself at times, is to wear a rubber band on your wrist, and when you get stressed or anxious, or whatever feeling makes you want to harm yourself, try snapping the rubber band until the feeling goes away, sometimes this works. And please please come to me here or call me when you feel like that. And I don't care how much pain your in, or how much pain you cause me, no matter what the circumstance, I'll always be here for you. No matter how small you think the issue is, you can always come to me and talk about what's bothering you.
I promise. I am absolutely, definitely, positively, unquestionably, no strings attached, beyond any doubt, unconditionally, full of love for you, And no matter what, you're still my best friend, This is the thing about best friends: like sisters and mothers, they could piss you off and make you cry and break your heart, but in the end, when the chips are down, they are here, making you laugh even in your darkest hours. I love you. Nothing could tear us apart. I actually mean that. If you'll allow me a LITTLE poetry: This friendship wouldn't end,
By your side I will stand,
Doing anything I can for you,
As best friends will do,
Through all of the wrongs
And all of the rights,
I'm here for you,
Because I love you.