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E - Everyone

A Common Man, Filled With Grace

by yumi


I used to say I strongly believed, argued and passionately fought for, the idea that being alone, single, can have an array of possibilities, positive sides. I would mention how good it feels to be independent, to have a free choice, not depending on anyone else's opinion. My wide bed and the covers were just just for my own pleasure and usage. But when night fell I would hear the silence grow around me, feel it possessing me from the inside and I wouldn't have time to brace myself for the horrid feeling of incompletion and senseless existence that would catch me with overpowering force, making my throat shrink and my mind tight. Then, I would ask myself whether it was really me who chose this, who decided upon this unbearable state of utter loneliness. I became the pariah of my own pitiful life. I was the hater and the hated, living each second in an unthinkable hell, in pain and suffering. Solitude is the worst of punishments, like waiting on Death Row. But I would have sooner went barefoot through glowing coals than admit that I was too scared to love.

But then I met you, and you completely changed my life. Colours now seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. I think of you on every occasion and in everything I do. The simple act of imaging your gorgeous face fills me with pleasure And a word or two at the end of he day helps to get me through the next long day's work and always brings a smile to my face. In your presence, I feel no need to talk, and there is never any pressure for continuous conversation, only a quiet calmness when they are around. I am quite content in just having you nearby. .I open my heart to you, because being vulnerable is the only way to allow my heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares me, but I am no longer scared to love. I know there is a chance for disaster to find me one day, but I find strength in knowing I have a true friend and possibly a "soul mate" who will remain loyal to the end. In opening my heart, I experience a love and joy I never dreamed possible.
I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I have led a common life. My name will soon be forgotten, but I have loved you, and no other, with all my heart, and to me, that is enough. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because there is no other way to love but this way. . I will forever love you. You are not perfect, but I am not either, and the two of us may never be perfect together. But every single day I wake up in the morning , thinking of you, happy for no good reason, and dream of my future, of my imperfect life and your imperfect marriage to my imperfect true love. Life is imperfect, but there is something perfect to be found in the imperfect.
So no matter what goes wrong today, keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about. And remember, my love to you is everlasting; it will never grow old and it will never fade away.


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Sat Jan 30, 2021 4:34 pm
raindrops wrote a review...



Hi! raindrops is back again. Then I shall dive right to it.

I used to say I strongly believed, argued and passionately fought for, the idea that being alone, single, can have an array of possibilities, positive sides.


believed, argued, and passionately fought, for the idea

But wait, I'm not actually sure about the fought, for part, so maybe just ignore it.

"being alone - single, can have" , this is another way to write it, to omit multiple commas.

"array of possibilities and positive sides" , there are only two subjects here so using a comma is grammatically incorrect, right?

But when night fell I would hear the silence grow around me, feel it possessing me from the inside and I wouldn't have time to brace myself for the horrid feeling of incompletion and senseless existence that would catch me with overpowering force, making my throat shrink and my mind tight.
I see that Honora also pointed this out, so I'm just quoting it again to imply I have similar opinion with hers.

You are not perfect, but I am not either
How about using Neither am I for the second phrase, hmmm, both are okay though, so actually nvm haha.

But every single day I wake up in the morning , thinking of you, happy for no good reason, and dream of my future, of my imperfect life and your imperfect marriage to my imperfect true love.
Hmmm, I dream of this too, not necessarily with a loved one though, I dream of it with my collection of books.

Life is imperfect, but there is something perfect to be found in the imperfect.
Honestly, at first it sounded weird, but it gets better the more I read it.

Okay, so I was a bit conflicted after reading this short article then re-reading the title. Because the man talks about LOVE, but then where is GRACE. So originally I thought, he refers his love to a woman, but could this actually be to God. This could also means that he's loving affection is GRACE, but isn't that a bit far - or is this just my point of view. I'm conflicted. Yet, nice work again.




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Thu Jan 21, 2021 3:32 pm
Honora wrote a review...



Hello Yumi! I'm here to help get this out of the Green room with a (hopefully) helpful review! As I haven't reviewed your work before, I'll tell you what I tell everyone else. I don't mean any offence when editing your work and really just want to help you. If I overstep or become too harsh, just let me know and I'll lighten up on my future reviews ;) Also, a late welcome to YWS! :D

But when night fell I would hear the silence grow around me, feel it possessing me from the inside and I wouldn't have time to brace myself for the horrid feeling of incompletion and senseless existence that would catch me with overpowering force, making my throat shrink and my mind tight.
This sentence here, although deeply written, is a bit of a mouthful even when thinking the words. If this was the only sentence like this, it would be fine and I would leave it alone but from what I see so far, the length often repeats itself. So for example you could have written:
But when night fell I would hear the silence grow on me, feel it possessing me from the inside with an over powering force. I wouldn't have time to brace myself for the horrid feeling of incompletion and senseless existence, making my throat shrink and my mind tight.
I switched the order a little and this is purely example but see how it flowed a bit? ;)

Then, I would ask myself whether it was really me who chose this, who decided upon this unbearable state of utter loneliness.
Absolutely nothing wrong with this sentence. I could really feel the despair wash over me just reading it and it was just so perfectly written that I had to bring it to your attention. :D

Okay so the main thing I noticed was that when you were writing about the despair, all your sentences were very long and drawn out but when you came to the love, it became short and choppy. At first, I was relieved to see the change but then I found they were drastically different and in this way, the same. They were both beautiful with the words and feelings but with the more finer details, it became monotonous. One way to fix this is to vary your sentence lengths. Think...I have four short sentences and that sounds choppy....turn them into two medium length sentences or one and leave the other two. Make sense?

Also, as a smaller detail, many sentences are started with words such as And and But. This, again, is alright if it's used sparingly but it's used too much in such a small piece of work.

Anyways, I'm done being a meanie so now I get to do the part I actually like :D

THIS WAS AMAZING! I love the message you're sending through your work and it's beautiful. So many people have such a fickle view on love but you explained it perfectly. It's not all glory and extravagant vacations and such. It's an every day, simple love.
Your writing is very capturing and deep and beautiful. I'm literally at a loss of words (believe it or not :-P)

Keep on the great work!
Honora




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Wed Jan 20, 2021 12:51 pm
Haileyg21 wrote a review...



Hiyo! An amazing review for and Amazing thing. So I wont say anything bad, I don't do that. This is very well written and holds the attention of your reader well. When You write soul mate in it, it made me zone more into this then anything else. It hold emotions really well and shows a lot of effort. I want to thank you for making this amazing piece bc In everything i have read so far this held my attention the most so thank you.





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