Young Writers Society

18+ Mature Content

A Morning Glory Greeting The Sun

by yumi

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

Often, in the tranquil hour of night, when stars illuminate the sky, I gaze upon each orb of light, and wish that you were with me. I lay awake looking at the black night, looking up and out, from the outer arm of a spiral galaxy in an immeasurable ocean of stars. As I look upon the starry sky, I search for a star that could match your beauty, but of all the stars, I can not find one. For as a match can light up a fire, a star can light up the sky, but you are the only one that can light up my heart. Stars are out tonight and you're the brightest one shining in my sky. The flame of my love will never die, for it burns through the stars for eternity. Every parting is a form of death, but the joy of meeting must pay the pangs of absence. And when you are gone, like a beautiful dream, you always remain in my thoughts, where true love can bridge the greatest distance until every reunion, a type of private heaven..

You stepped out of your dress in one flowing, stylized movement, and underneath you were naked. Your body seemed real to me, not fragments from a dream, or a surreal hallucination, It unfurled before me like a flower, a morning glory greeting the sun. I felt as if I had been pierced through with iron nails that tore my lungs as I tried to breathe. This was my only chance to leave if I was going to.

But you you moved your hand to caress the side of my face, my jaw, and kissed me softly, tiny kisses along the edge of my lips. Initially, there was a certain clumsiness, an awkwardness as I slid his hands around your waist. You stroked my jaw and my cheekbones and then I pulled you towards me, kissing you deeply. Our tongues met and I myself dissolve, like wax melting in the heat. You removed mu clothes, one by one, and then led me to the bed, the white bed, under the rubied iron cross. where I was the supreme master and conductor of your pleasure.

Like a musician who was totally absorbed in the movement of his fingertips over the keys, I was attentive to the very faintest of signals. I registered the flow of tiny moans that rise from inside you as I continued to excite you, receiving and unconsciously classifying the fine nuances that differentiate one moan from another. Then, your moaning turned into little sobs and sighs and cries of surprise, and suddenly my lips told me that your cheeks were covered in tears...

My hands were drawn to your breasts, and when I cupped them in my hands, I was filled with compassion and desire and brought my tongue to your nipples taking each nipple in turn between my lips, delicately courting them with his tongue, while my fingers play on your labia and the secret petals around a bud so full and firm it almost resembles a third nipple...

That went on until your back suddenly arched like a stretched bow, and a moment later you sunk back onto the mattress as, a long, soft cry burst from your lips as though from the bottom of the sea, expressing not only your pleasure but astonishment, as though it were the first time in your life you had reached that landing stage, as if even in your wildest dreams you never imagined what was waiting for you with me.

Afterwards, I held you you as you trembled in my arms, keeping very still, like the only root of a forest. Occasionally, my mouth lingered on yours and I tasted you. I felt for your tongue with mine...

I dreamed of you tonight...Like a dream that lingers once you wake, the thoughts that fade but never break. I dreamed of us, and ended with a kiss. I can still taste you on my tongue and smell your sweet womanly smell.. I wish you were here with me now, so I could kiss those soft lips of yours good morning.

I love you, you and no other. I relish every day because of you. You make me happy every single morning, just by the simple act of appearing in my mind. You are my early morning happiness, and the reason for the smile on my face. Thank you for making my day, every day. I would say "you complete me" but at the moment the phrase seems inaccurate because every morning when I wake up I long for you more then the day before...The act of loving you has taught me a valuable lesson, one that I am reminded of every time I think your name. The lesson is this: life is beautiful, and one day, one hour, one minute at a time. You will not get that time again. Life comes with no guarantee, but just know that smiling will brighten your face, laughter will brighten your day, and the people who love you will help you have a great life.

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767 Reviews

Points: 26330
Reviews: 767

Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:30 am
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...

Hi yumi!

First of all, I agree with MissGangamash that the first paragraph is repetitive, and by the third or fourth sentence, it feels like the metaphor is dragging on. Since you continue to repeat the same words and phrases like stars and sky, it all blends together and loses a lot of its impact. You could easily extend the metaphor out in another direction, while still trying to capture the feeling of the sky in the night time, maybe talking about the darkness in some parts and contrasting that with the light, or mentioning the moon, or other planets in space, while all connecting it back to this motif of love.

As well, for as much time as you devote in the beginning to talking about stars in the night time, it feels entirely lost by the end of the piece, so it makes me wonder why you spent so much time developing that idea. I would like to see more of that connected thread throughout and transition better from "Narrator is reflecting in the night time" to the middle section (which I didn't feel transitioned well) to "Narrator reflecting in the morning." I believe your intention is the middle is a dream sequence, but from how it is currently framed, that doesn't seem very clear.

Otherwise, the piece clearly had a lot of emotion surrounding it, and while I wish the end wasn't quite so heavy handed with it message (I think you can go a long way with less words), it was a nice note to end on.

Hope this was helpful to you!

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289 Reviews

Points: 304
Reviews: 289

Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:21 pm
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MissGangamash wrote a review...

I saw this in the Green Room with no reviews so thought I'd come and give my thoughts.

Okay, so the first paragraph... you could cut that down a lot. It seems like you're just repeating the same thing over and over, slightly differently. So much so you mention stars eight times in just as many sentences. At least half of them can go. You're saying she's more beautiful than any star in the sky. Got it.

The next part has a lot of cliche metaphors and similes. I know with love scenes, there isn't much room to play and be unique, but considering this whole piece is a love scene, you have more reason to be different and play with language in your own special way.

Hope this helps!

"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness."
— Bishop Desmond Tutu