A new dawn breaks free
and peaks through my window,
reminding me of rainbows
that glow after immaculate storms.
The night may take a temporary hold
where birds nest and flowers fold,
but new chances arise with
the awakening of the sun,
a fresh pot of coffee stirs
mixed aromas of hazelnut beans
for a morning routine.
Flipping pancakes, the look on
my daughter's face is priceless.
I love their simple little ages,
easily amused and made happy
by the smallest of things.
A strawberry happy face
drizzled in syrup results in
more little happy faces
to spend my mornings with.
Seems like a fair trade in my books.
After syrupy smiles are all clean,
a morning walk gets the blood flowing
as curiosity arises in the form of
a million creative questions.
How do bees pollinate?
Why is the sky blue?
How do leaves change colors?
They're all so eager to learn about
the world around them,
but the grasping concept of
a cruel, cold intensity
floods my senses.
As a mother, I want to coddle them,
answer their questions and
leave it at that.
Every morning is another gradual
step for them to learn a tad bit more,
but where does knowledge
come into play with innocence?
Every question I'm thinking of answers to,
I just want to plead for more time
to let them stay little.
My nightly prayers are composed of
gratitude and hopes of keeping
them safe.
Let me wake up each morning
to hazelnut beans and pancake syrup.
I'll take the sticky simple syrupy messes
any day over peaceful mornings of writing.
That's how much I love them.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,999 Literary Works • 672,396 Reviews
Hi! You might not know me. I'm CATS!!! And here with a review on your story! Let's start.
To review! Then...all the other stuff.
The title is just beautiful. Loving it already.
First paragraph: The morning! Dawn breaking through the windows...such good details.
OH! Forgot to say...I love the rhyming and pattern. Very easy for my rapping brain to read.
Ohhhh...a morning routine, huh? I have one too
It's true, children are easy to please and always happy. I LOVE PANCAKES!
OMG. Strawberries as well?? Stop, you are making me hungry!
Children do ask a million questions. Curious, sweet, but sometimes annoying lol.
The routine every day; but never tired of it. Nice!
Overall, this poem is really sweet and refreshing and I love it. Happy Writing, my friend! You have earned a fan
Hello, there! Avi here with a review
I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Wow. The sweetness, nostalgia, and worry is what really stands out to me in this poem. This is a poem about a mother loving her young children. There is worry for the children in a few of the lines, but there is love encompassing it all.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
None! This is a very well-written, lovely poem.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
- The first two stanzas share a beautiful imagery that sucked me in.
Stanza one:
Stanza two:
- I love the underlying feel of syrup as sweetness and innocence. It might just be the connotation I have of syrup. Sticky hands and sticky mouths spread in wide grins because little ones tend to have their syrup with a side of pancake.
- This part struck me with its relatability and poignancy. I am not yet a mother, but I connect with a lot of young children and have a little sister who is not so little anymore.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
What a poignant, sweet, incredible poem! You did an absolutely fantastic job writing this!
Happy Reading, Happy Writing!
-avimoon
Such a heartwarming poem! Loved it much more than I thought I would.
Starting with the title, I believe your dart grazed past the bullseye. Lemme explain . While 'A New Spring Day' is not something you could ever go wrong with, I'm of the opinion that something related to your daughter and your love and worries as a mother would've hooked the readers so much more. When I began reading, the title seemed good enough. But as I finished reading, I wondered how it conveyed so much more than that and deserved a better hook. If I were to guess what your poem was about from the title itself, I'd think it was simple narrative of nature- flowering trees, rejuvenated air, joy all around. Instead, it walks us through a day in a life of a mother caring for her lovely daughter. The title undersells your excellent work. A title isn't something to get done with, but something to make a mark. Promise the reader something I know you'll deliver, pull them in with something interesting to peak their curiousity or something personal to win hearts.
Next, let me dive into how I loved the flow of your poetry. The continuity is so flowy I got immersed in the story and kept going. It's an insightful peak about how a day of a mother looks like. She cooks for them, answers their curious questions of the world, worries for them, wishes to protect them from the cruel world and loves them enough to even choose them over her passion for writing. It almost felt like a sweet vlog, no forced scenes just the natural turning of events.
The lines- "I love their simple little ages, easily amused and made happy, by the smallest of things" perfectly captures the the way elders reminisce young innocence and simplicity, often lost later in life's hustle.
The initial imagery of rainbows after storm, bird's nest and flowers weaves a beautiful scenery. You move on with coffee beans, sticky syrup, pancakes, strawberries- maintaining the lively background of things.
The lines depicting your daughter make a mess of the sticky syrup warmed my heart. On the other hand, your reminder of a cold n cruel world around them, making you want to coddle them up- your worry sent shivers down my spine.
Especially found the lines- "Every question I'm thinking of answers to, I just want to plead for more time to let them stay little.
My nightly prayers are composed of gratitude and hopes of keeping them safe.
Let me wake up each morning, to hazelnut beans and pancake syrup"
seem to be calling to me. They're the essence of the poem- a mirror into a mother's soul. A worried mother getting overprotective of her child, praying they never encounter the dark side of the world. If she could, she would protect them forever, even if it meant robbing them from the chance to learn to grow. She wishes to slow time so they can stay safe in her embrace and care some time longer.
Amazing glimpse of what parenthood is all about. One moment, you're creating memories with them being silly, and just as it's over you're anxious of saving them from world's evil. They can do nothing to make you stop loving them. No matter how messy the home gets with the sticky syrup, no matter how many stupid and simple questions they annoy with - they're your entire world and you couldn't be any more glad to have them.
In a nutshell, fabulous work. My most favourite would have to be how openly you declare you'd choose chaos with your kid over a quiet day following your interests, speaks volumes how someone who writes so well is willing to give it up to spend a day with family
Hello! Let me get right into a review.
I love the descriptive imagery in the opening of this poem. It really sets up the feeling of a lovely morning. I especially liked the words "reminding me of rainbows that glow after immaculate storms." The descriptor "immaculate" for storms brings a sense of the perspective that the storms themselves are lovely in their own way as well.
I noticed the parallel you used between strawberry happy faces and the happy faces of the children. Cute!
At first, it seems like this poem is just going to be a description of a nice day, but then you take the initial observations and plunge deeper into exploring topics of parenthood and childhood innocence. The concept of natural beauty which feature in the opening of the poem continue, but now with a new angle. By the end, you've returned to the hazelnut beans, the pancakes, etc. I do appreciate a thematic return!
Near the beginning, you have the phrase "and peaks through my window." I think you're probably going for the homonym "peeks." Easy mistake, easy fix.
Whether it was intentional or not, the alliteration in "sticky simple syrupy messes" caught my notice. Again, love me some alliteration!
All in all, good work, and thanks for sharing!
ughh these have got to be my favorite lines!
i really liked the language and the imagery of this poem!!