Here and now, present,
becomes past tense,
memories we get to make
are miracles heaven sent,
angels we're blessed to receive,
watch grow, their goals, achieve,
it's all so bittersweet
tasting honey in my palm,
I'd give anything for
these moments to last long,
but times fly by
over the years
as we say grace
and our goodnight fears.
As we rest our hearts
knowing another day is granted,
let tomorrow be no sorrow,
just memories from
the future we borrow.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,023 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
What an incredibly beautiful way to comment on today and tomorrow. It's a piece that while simple- (in a loving way) never once feels like it's glossing over what it's trying to say. It doesn't over stay its welcome, while still *feeling* like it has a hold on you.
I particularly love the last few parts, describing how tomorrow could be better if we let it. Just an all around beautiful piece.
Thanks so much for the review.
What an incredibly beautiful way to comment on today and tomorrow. It's a piece that while simple- (in a loving way) never once feels like it's glossing over what it's trying to say. It doesn't over stay its welcome, while still *feeling* like it has a hold on you.
I particularly love the last few parts, describing how tomorrow could be better if we let it. Just an all around beautiful piece.
Hey there, I enjoyed your poem!
I think you captured this feeling of wanting something to last. In the present, it can be amazing when we are aware of our gratitude and contentment with the current situation. But as you said, as time goes on, there is always a goodbye. I noticed that you wrote this in a very relaxed feel, with almost only lowercase and sentences that go on for a while. Still, I feel like you did a good job maintaining this relaxed feel and connecting your points.
I really liked this line, because you combined a lot of sensory, feels into one statement. You talk about taste, like the honey. Then you talk about your palm, which gives more physical sense to it. Combining both of these really grabbed my attention, and stood out!
I enjoyed the gentle rhyming throughout this poem, but these last lines, especially stood outl. I like the rhyme of sorrow and borrow. I also enjoyed the message of this poem. We're trying to live in the present, staying happy, and relying on these memories that we have made, and enjoyed. We can look to the future with Hope, knowing that we will make so many more as well! Great job. Reading this made me happier, and I love your consistent tone and easy to follow along with language overall great poem, and I look forward to reading more!
Your friend,
Ellie
Aww thank you, Ellie. The most important thing is you were happy reading.
I honestly love this! This is a really good poem, you could honestly get a prize/reward if you submitted this to a competition. I think you should totally write more, and I love to see more of your work. Keep up the great work!
-Cam
Thanks for such encouragement. I wouldn't even know how. I was playing around on here looking for contests but only found the comment log board.