Rain on an old tin roof,
potent coffee, hundred proof,
lightning cracks the sky
as raindrops fly,
wind gusts a howl
my shutters can't deny,
I sit writing with
thoughts on overload,
as thunder booms,
I'm thinking murder a la mode,
what sets the perfect scene
for a mystery today?
Time to grab the red pen,
bloody ink on paper
jousts my senses thin,
maybe a knife,
or no that's cliche,
a prison shank maybe
I pulled out of the safe?
It's ironic, isn't it?
Writing poetry to plot
a murder scene of thought,
this mind is ticking,
hurry, write!
Before the bomb explodes,
write what I want
before she comes too close!
she's always taking over,
writing is my obsession,
but her deep inside,
my brain reaps manic depression.
She's crazy and clever,
but knows no boundaries,
if I don't lock her up,
she scares every part of me,
so back to my writing...
Is this me,
or is it her?
Hold up now,
she's finding the words...
Rain on an old tin roof,
Irish cream coffee,
a hundred proof,
the window cracks open,
she hears the commotion,
he's climbing in
but in slow motion.
She sicks the dogs
to come and feast,
then unlocks the safe
facing towards the East.
Calm and collected
like any other morning,
she chokeholds him
into deathly mourning,
shank cuts the apple
held in the man's throat,
but rolling him over,
a familiar face to cope.
she can't call the cops,
can't disregard the taste.
Marrow cracks like a whip
as canine mouths become bloody,
dining on his flesh,
why not? Before it's muddy.
She grabs a tarp from storage,
rolls up the red carpet,
blood stains like camouflage,
the hogs will devour him.
Out to the pin,
throwing his butchered body in,
hogs howl and squeal
with a gourmet grin.
Rid of the body,
now to cover up the crime,
nothing but a medium
for her sadistic mind,
This isn't the first murder,
she just can't behave.
but she has all the fun,
I'm left filling in graves.
The plot was mine,
but the twist is hers,
why can't I write a story
using my own words?
Clever ideas,
on your toes action,
but I'm left cleaning up,
creating a reaction.
Maybe I'll try again tomorrow,
that's if she sleeps,
to finish this story
for my own keeps.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hey there! I'm here to give this a little review!
So, from first reading this, I quickly realized that this piece was not what I thought it would be. My thoughts were not thinking "Murder!" but, you quickly proved my thoughts wrong. This piece was stone cold, but you just can't stop reading it because one thing leads to another and you get locked in. For a poem, this sure is a haunting one that I really loved.
The only thing I would suggest is try to find a way to break your stanzas. Either from editing it a little and adding a space between each line break, or by using special characters like "~", "/", ">", and many others. I say this only because I noticed a few times, your rhyme and flow broke/tore and it was a little hard to get back in without knowing where the stanza's or line breaks were.
Other than that, you did a wonderful job writing this! I loved it and it truly was such a hauntingly beautiful piece! Good job and keep writing!
~Taost
Thanks so much. I had line breaks in the draft, but it posted like this. It's taking some getting used to. Still trying to figure out how to change it.
That's completely understandable. I have the same issue to with the YWS format. Even in the docs or whatever application you use, YWS will remove it and you have to manually place it again. I'd suggest using five spaces for the indents it removes. That's what works for me at least.
Five spaces. I'll remember that. Thank you
Of course! %u2764%u2764%u2764
Honestly this is a great poem. Kinda creepy... are you planning to kill someone?? Anyways.. this poem is great!!! keep up the great work!!
Oh no lol. I never could. Just a fan of watching and writing murder mysteries.