z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Infinitely

by vanillavelvet13


Your shimmering eyes reflecting the blue night sky
The stars, that your eyes have captured
My endless river of hurt and regret
In which you spilled your love, tainting me blue 

I was mixed, of different colours, a shade of chaos you may assume
You were one, a shade of blue, something I’ve wanted to choose
You walked up to me, across all these shining colours
You chose me, the one with such dim, not a good sign of a good person 

You’re trying, you’re doing everything I never thought I needed
Your own love’s been messing my head since day one
You’re perfect, even with mistakes, your flaws make you great
Its unstoppable, my love for you

As sudden as a lightning bolt, my thoughts ran
How are you this perfect? There must be something dark beneath that gorgeous shade of blue
Although call me insane for overthinking
Yet you capture more women’s eyes than I have men 

Regret, regret ran down my eyes in form of salty liquid
Soft, cuddly pillows in which i hug tightly when you’re not around
And think as it were your back in which I’m hugging
For my love hasn’t ended, yet its scaring me 

This type of love’s the one I’d like forever
You’re the one I’d want to be with in rough, and in tough, together
For thou, kill me now, for I cannot recover from a break that harms
This, is the goldilocks spectrum in which I crave to stay in. 

To the end of the universe and back, you amaze me
To the moon and back, you give me a reason to live
To you from me, “may our ship sail smoothly
May it pass through storms, strong winds and giant debris 

May it encounter pirates, kamikaze airplanes
Face death countless times only to recover from its pain
For may the ship’s flaws fix and break things inside it
Yet may it be strengthened and arrive at its destination safe and in perfect shape 

May it have a smart crew, people with experience
Hell! May it even take a break on shore before reaching its destined place
Yet may our live blossom into a flower which never withers

Grow, ever so perfectly into a plump, smooth, ripe fruit
That bears seeds to form new, gorgeous flowers.
My love for you may not be the greatest
Yet its the strongest and it shall stay with you whether you like it or not.” 

The story of one great writer and her lover
Does it end in vain or does it end as perfect as the blue night sky
Only they know and their privacy shall be kept still
For businesses that aren’t yours are not to be toyed with


Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar


Points: 38
Reviews: 3

Donate
Wed Sep 04, 2024 7:43 pm
HildegardHope wrote a review...



So I like this poem the way it's about someone who feels a lot of emotions when they think about the person they love. I like the star imagery.

The poet seems mixed up and chaotic, but the person they love is calm and steady Even though the poet feels like they aren’t good enough, the person they love chose them anyway. I think that's super heartwarming.


In the end, the poet wants their words to be remembered, even if they are not. They hope their love story will be as perfect as the blue night sky. and honestly, that's sweet, I also like the rhyme scheme, it's not too complicated, but that only accentuates things




User avatar
20 Reviews

Points: 502
Reviews: 20

Donate
Tue Sep 03, 2024 8:20 pm
theromanticchemist wrote a review...



Hi, coming in with a review!
This is such a good poem, also welcome back to YWS!
I love the way you describe things, it really feels like the narrator is lovelorn, possibly a bit lost. You capture that very well.
That being said, I feel like there are some things that could be improved and make this an even better poem. For one, I feel like you use “blue” a lot. Although this is an effective metaphor, I noticed that it got a bit tiring to keep reading about it. It didn’t feel like intentional repetition. I wonder, is there a way you could describe the feeling and description of “blue” without actually using that word. It would make the poem a lot more interesting and intentional.
I also noticed some oddities in some of the lines--
"You chose me, the one with such dim, not a good sign of a good person"
Did you mean “dimness”? That’d be the correct word, because it’s a noun, not an adjective. Also, I notice you use “good” twice in this line, which feels a bit redundant. Maybe removing the first “good” would make it a bit more concise.
"Although call me insane for overthinking"
Who is calling the narrator insane? Is it the partner? It’s just a bit confusing.
"Soft, cuddly pillows in which i hug tightly when you’re not around"
You might want to remove the “In” here, just to make it make more sense.
I will say, I love the “poem within a poem” you have going on here. That poem especially just has such a nice rhythm to it. This is overall such a good poem and I can’t wait to read some of your other works!





It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
— Voltaire