That's crazy!
z
(This poem was made by me after I felt sad for a while
I've been using poetry as a way to escape my thoughts of doing the unthinkable
and this one is quite dear to me and I wanted to gain some criticism on it so please
If you can, take time to read and review! I'm working on improving my writing skills!! ~~ :3)
SEED
𝘣𝘺: 𝘷𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘵13
My heart sank lowly
Of the simple words uttered in the conversation
Maybe the future isn't far ahead
For it seems to be getting closer each second
The deepest level, my heart sank
Head slowly feeling heavy
With it, the feeling of lightheadedness shown
And maybe then did the fury of evil open
My past has given me problems to fix today
Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up early
Maybe someday I can welcome you back into my arms again
Although I act as if I even care anymore
One wise, wise man once taught me to never trust men
For men are only there to aggravate and pain your presence
I have lost sense of trust and care for others, even myself
Shall the knowledge of my brain be passed onto future generations to help assemble?
Oh wise, wise man, may your future be as bright as your sight
May it be blurry as a light on sight
Trying to show my strength, but my love is broken forever by you
And shall the future admirers of mine be warned of my attitude
Grow upon me oh dear sins
For my mistakes are there to build me as a person, not wreck me down like a ship
Shall my love prevail and hurry?
Or shall it be broken down and used by others?
Never once have I been in a car that felt like home
I wish that someday you'll be the home I'll forever only need
Ours shouldn't be made for the cause of money
Hence it shall be made for the effect of our immortal love
My blood, in which I sacrifice to love and care for you
My heart, in pieces in which I have chosen to give to you
My body in which I am willingly offering for you to love and to care for
And myself, wherein respect and obedience is given and received from.
Shall I be a minor character that shows a minor appearance in your story?
Or shall I be the female lead that steals your heart and runs off with you?
I'd rather be your supporting character where I can be there for you whenever you need me
Tears in my eyes I hope to see you someday
Darkness shows upon my eyes
Whilst brown glistens upon it when sunlight strikes
Yours a deep hazel green
Weakens me to the bone whenever I see it or even think about it
Shall we now rejoice to the fact that you're mine?
Or shall I wake up to the fact that you're not?
This is a very melancholy piece, and very well written! The introspective look inside is captivating and leaves you wanting to know more. You can see the hurt that the speaker has experienced in the past leak through to affect them in the present. I also wonder about the wise, wise man and who he is to the speaker. All in all, I love that I've been left curious cos it gets my mind going!
Hi! Katya here to review this for you!
First off, I wanted to start by saying I absolutely love the references you used in this work.
My favorite stanza is:
Shall I be a minor character that shows a minor appearance in your story?
Or shall I be the female lead that steals your heart and runs off with you?
I'd rather be your supporting character where I can be there for you whenever you need me
Tears in my eyes I hope to see you someday
The deepest level, my heart did sank
Head slowly feeling heavy
With it, the feeling of lightheadedness shown
And maybe then did the fury of evil open
The deepest level, my heart did sink
The deepest level, my heart sank
Oh wow, beautifully written poem.
The deepest level, my heart did sank
One wise, wise man once taught me to never trust men
Maybe someday be it welcome you to my arms
Someday shall the knowledge of my brain be passed onto future generations to help assemble
Show my strength for my love is forever broken by you
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