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red lipstick

by vanillavelvet13


I sit here everyday waiting for your text
In denial in my head of my feelings for you
That void in my bed, I haven't got the faintest clue
My pillows wishing you were next to me

I want to get lost in those umber eyes
I want you to be my only guy
When I look at you I feel like I could fly

I wish you could be mine
I wish you could be mine
I wish you could be mine
Tonight, now, and forever

I love it when I make you smile and laugh
How you still talk to me 
Even though you hate me on your behalf
'Cause that's something we can both agree on

I hate how it's difficult to call out your bluff
You break my heart faster than a glass and a rock oh
I hate this type of love, it's too tough
But I can't turn on the lock

I wish you could be mine
I wish you could be mine
I wish you could be mine
Tonight, now, and forever

I love it when I make you smile and laugh
How you still talk to me
Even though you hate me on your behalf
'Cause that's something we can both agree on

I'm mesmerized every time I look into your eyes
Showing that smile on the corners of your mouth
Oh how butterflies flutter in the skies
There's no turning back now even though I have my doubts

I wish you could be mine
I wish you could be mine
I wish you could be mine
Tonight, now, and forever

I love it when I make you smile and laugh
How you still talk to me
Even though you hate me on your behalf
'Cause that's something we can both agree on

Dear reader, It's been a while since I've uploaded in YWS.
Life took me and I got busy with schoolworks and such...
This is a poem I wrote a year ago that's been laying here gathering dust.
I believe it's time to take them out.
~ yours truly, vanillavelvet13


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Points: 137
Reviews: 3

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Sun Oct 29, 2023 6:49 pm
JerrodeD wrote a review...



I get romantic rock vibes from this song. I can hear guitar chords in my mind and hear someone with a beautiful voice screaming their heart out on stage. I can see myself rocking out the this and bringing the crowd to tears with flying roses.
Now I understand that is meant to be a heartbreak song in a way something I completely relate to and understand what you're going trough in this song. I just want to tell you as a suggestion to make metaphors and for imagery purposes. overall still a banger though!




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Sat Sep 30, 2023 10:48 pm
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Roxanne wrote a review...



Greetings Composer!

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye a lovely lyrics titled “red lipstick” that deserves a review. So without further ado, let’s begin.

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Very first of all, I must say that you've written quite a moving lyrics. The lyrics tells a tale about the speaker who waits every single day for a text of someone she loves.

The speaker is in denial of her feelings for the person. Because the guy hates her on his behalf, he broke her heart.

Your use of repetition boosts the impact of your lyrics. I would really love to listen to this lyrics as a song, perhaps in the future, one day, someday.

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the short review has been of value to you!

With writer’s love,
Rose




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227 Reviews

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Sat Sep 30, 2023 4:02 pm
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NadyaStatham wrote a review...



Salutations, curious mind!



Rinisha is back here and ready to review 📚!

Buckle up, 'cause this is going to be a bumpy ride. I’m going to keep it short alright!✨

All in all

This party rocked, let's take a quick look!

I love the meaning behind the song, it really comes onto the table very powerfully. The poor girl is so sad. I think you definitely got the repetition right, because that is a typical song thing.

I bet this would be a nice song with a Megan Trainor voice or a Chainsmokers voice. Who knows, maybe in the future.

I think some of the pieces lack consistency. There are some arts that rhyme and others that do not. Maybe take another look and try to fix that.

Spoiler! :


I must compliment you on your amazing username. Who doesn't love vanilla velvet cake? I do. Anyways, I found this picture on the internet that represents your username as the name of this song. I thought I would show it to you.

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Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!

Amazingly yours,
Rinisha
– Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉

Image




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12 Reviews

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Reviews: 12

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Thu Sep 28, 2023 1:18 pm
Kz wrote a review...



Howdy!

This is very very beautiful! <3

Alright, to get into it. . .

" I want to get lost in those umber eyes
I want you to be my only guy
When I look at you I feel like I could fly
I wish you could be mine "

Very cute line, honestly, I think that it sounds similar to a lot of things I've read and heard before, but it's good to keep patterns as long as you involve your uniqueness. remember you have a perspective nobody else has!!


"There's no turning back now even though I have my doubts"
My favorite line by far!! :P


"Dear reader, It's been a while since I've uploaded in YWS.
Life took me and I got busy with schoolworks and such...
This is a poem I wrote a year ago that's been laying here gathering dust.
I believe it's time to take them out."

I understand and me too!!


Good morning/ afternoon/ evening/ night (to wherever you are!)

-Kenn




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125 Reviews

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Reviews: 125

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Wed Jul 26, 2023 9:25 pm
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GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...



Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review!

I wish you could be mine
I wish you could be mine
I wish you could be mine
Tonight, now, and forever


I like the repetition in this poem! It kind of feels like lyrics to a pop song with the way certain things are repeated.

I also like the emption portrayed.

Even though you hate me on your behalf
'Cause that's something we can both agree on

I hate how it's difficult to call out your bluff
You break my heart faster than a glass and a rock oh
I hate this type of love, it's too tough
But I can't turn on the lock


The speaker knows that her ex isn’t good for her, but she still wants him back because she hates the feeling of being lonely.

As the other reviewer has said, I feel that the title does not connect to the poem, as lipstick is not mentioned or hinted at. I feel the poem could be better if there was a line about lipstick, like perhaps lipstick staining something?

Overall, great poem. Keep up the good work!

—GengarIsBestBoy




vanillavelvet13 says...


OMG HI GENGAR! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING MY WORK!!
I appreciate the review super duper much! I hope I explained the reasoning behind the title to the other reviewer! You could just read it there (it's just how i thought it would look good at least for me) otherwise, thank you so much!

- vanillavelvet13 ~<3



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Wed Jul 26, 2023 3:57 pm
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Kaia wrote a review...



So first of all, nicely done with the rhyme scheme here. Whenever I try to make things rhyme, it doesn't usually work out all that great, but you nailed that pretty nicely. ;) I also think it's pretty cool that you wrote this as a song and it clearly has a refrain. Nicely done!

I do have some critiques, though. My number one is the title. I feel that's it's a little disconnected to the main points here. You don't mention lipstick at all in the song or anything that suggests the symbolism connected to that. But maybe it's just my more practical mind playing pranks on me. Haha.

The other critic I have for you is tags. I think this one should get at LEAST a 12+ tag because of the last two lines in the first stanza.

Oh how butterflies flutter in the skies


I thought this was an interesting line. You simultaneously brought up the images of freedom and togetherness and that fluttery feeling in one's stomach when they're around someone they like. (Or so I have been told.) Nicely done!

-Kaia
Review Courtesy of the AfterWatch




vanillavelvet13 says...


Thank you so much! I really appreciate this! <33
I do agree though, the title looks like it's not related in anyway with the lyrics. My reasoning for that is pretty dumb cuz the only reason I titled it "red lipstick" is that, in the perspective of the writer, red lipstick is a part of her cover (hypothetically,,, if she was a book) but it has nothing to do with what's inside her mentally if you were to get to know her (or read her per se) [I RLLY DONT KNOW IF IT MAKES ANY SENSE I HOPE IT DOES] But otherwise, I'll note your other criticisms. Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it! <33

- vanillavelvet13 ~<3



Kaia says...


Aw, okay. That made some sense to me. And it doesn't really matter my opinion anyway. Title it whatever YOU want!! And u welcome! Hope you have a great day. :)



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9 Reviews

Points: 210
Reviews: 9

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Wed Jul 26, 2023 7:29 am
vanillavelvet13 says...







GET YER EYES AWAY FROM MY EYE SOCKETS >.>
— herbalhour