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Love in decaying hearts: part two

by vampricone6783


*Part two of my series “Love in decaying hearts”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

Melanie held on to Azrail, never letting go. He flew high, high, higher, into the sky. Finally he descended down on Earth, where he placed Melanie on the grass next to the highway.

She could see and hear cars zoom past, faster than anything in the world.

Azrail lay next to her, his wings clouding the dew-dropped grass.

“Where are we going?” Melanie asked.

“We’ll find out.” Azrail replied.

She held her legs close to her chest, watching the cars.

……………………………………………………

Melanie opened her eyes, the rising sun glittering on tree leaves.

She turned to Azrail, aware of his vampirism, and exhaled a sigh of relief when she saw that he was covering himself with his wings.

Melanie turned around, craving some kind of food, just something to eat, and found a rest stop. There was an untouched egg and bacon burger on a picnic table.

Now, it was probably a day old and smelled of rancid rats, but…

She was starving.

……………………………………………………

It turned out that the burger was a day old, but it tasted good enough.

Melanie felt a light tap on her shoulder and stopped midchew.

“What?” She asked, chunks of burger still in her mouth. Why would anyone talk to her while she was eating?

"I made you something.” Azrail said.

He made her something? Why? When did he have the time to make something?

Melanie finished chewing on the burger and set it down on the table. She was feeling a little bit better after eating.

She turned around.

In Azrail’s hands was a delicate wooden box, painted with sweet poises.

He opened the lid and out came a little ballerina in a white tutu. She looked just like Melanie.

Azrail turned a silver windup and the ballerina spun, magical and free.

“I made it for Fiona, but I thought that I’d give it to you.”

“Are you sure you want me to have this? Is this even right?” Melanie asked. It was beautiful, but was it meant for her?

“Yes, someone else must have it.” Azrail said, handing her the box.

She accepted it.

……………………………………………………

“Where do you want to go?” Melanie asked. They were in a town called “Apple blossom lane”, which was known for its abundance of apple blossom trees, but even more so known for Lenore, a woman accused of witchcraft and being burned to the stake. Legend had it that her ghost never left.

But other than that one tale, the town was cheerful and a tourist destination.

“We’re going to Cassidy’s house.” Azrail said in a low voice.

“Cassidy’s? But why? Wasn’t she the one who cursed you?”

“She is and that’s why I need to see her.”

Melanie stopped walking.

Standing in line for ice cream was Twilight with her friend, Addie.

Why did she get to be happy? The reason for Melanie’s tears? The girl who ruined everything? Why did she get to be free?

Azrail tapped on Melanie’s shoulder.

“We have to go.” He said.

Melanie took his hand and the two walked away.

There were important things to deal with than Twilight.

……………………………………………………

They were standing in front of a withered house, covered in small buds of flowers.

“Is this Cassidy’s house?” Melanie asked. It looked so peaceful and serene.

It didn’t look like the home of a witch.

“Yes, it is.” Azrail said, opening the door.

……………………………………………………

Both stepped inside the house. The inside was like a cottage home, a place where Grandma’s chocolate chip cookies waited on a tray.

And still, it didn’t feel right.

“Are you sure Cassidy is here? It’s been centuries, why would she be alive?” Melanie asked.

“I didn’t say that she is alive.” Azrail said.

Melanie ran her hand through the leaking walls. It didn’t seem much. Why would Azrail want to come to Cassidy’s house?

She saw something flicker in the halls.


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Thu May 18, 2023 8:33 pm
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SkyVibes wrote a review...



YES! They went to Cassidy's house! Will there be a part 3?? Please tell me there's gonna be a part three!

The only critism I have that came to mind was the beginning where Melanie was lying down and then drew her legs to her chest. At this part I was imagining she was on her back but maybe now she's on her side or even sitting up? It was entirely clear so I was a little confused.

Other than that I also like how you made up your own version of a vampire. Like obvi not all vampires out there have the obvious trait of having wings like Azrail does but to make it the way he does makes him such a unique character.
But...another critisim, was it really early in the morning that made it able for Azrail in the sun or is he in the shade or is this another unique trait you gave him to seperate him from other common known vampires. I ask only bcs to my knowledge of vampires, they burn in the sun which makes me curious is Azrail is like maybe some super vampire being as old as he is.

You ended the chapter beautifully! Maybe there will be a part 3...???




vampricone6783 says...


There will be a part three.

Azrail used his wings to cover himself.



SkyVibes says...


YESSS

Ah okay. Cool!!



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Thu May 18, 2023 7:39 pm
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Roxanne wrote a review...



Greetings @vampricone6783

Thank you for letting me know about the second part of your fantastic story "Love in decaying hearts". I was very happy to hear that the story of our decades old but still fascinating vampire Azrail Williams has been continued.
Well, I'm here with a review for this mind-blowing story.
Let's get started, shall we?

Melanie turned around, craving some kind of food, just something to eat, and found a rest stop. There was an untouched egg and bacon burger on a picnic table.

Now, it was probably a day old and smelled of rancid rats, but…

She was starving.

The way you describe this scene, I actually thought that Melanie had become a real vampire at this point. I reread that scene and blinked a thousand times just to make sure it was real and she wasn't a vampire...yet. Because I think she might become a vampire in the future, but I'm not sure. Maybe the author has other plans...

It was a little, well, not just a little, it was disgusting to read about Melanie eating the day-old burger. It was gross, but I guess desperate times...

It's so sweet of Azrail to give Melanie a gift. But the wooden box is very mysterious. Perhaps it is cursed? Or maybe it's just a beautiful piece of art. I don't know anymore, I think I've read far too many mystery and thriller stories.


“We’re going to Cassidy’s house.” Azrail said in a low voice.

“Cassidy’s? But why? Wasn’t she the one who cursed you?”

“She is and that’s why I need to see her.”

Melanie stopped walking.

Standing in line for ice cream was Twilight with her friend, Addie.

Why did she get to be happy? The reason for Melanie’s tears? The girl who ruined everything? Why did she get to be free?

Azrail tapped on Melanie’s shoulder.

“We have to go.” He said.

Okay, what just happened? This is one of those cut scenes that really keeps me on the edge of my seat. Twilight is here? Is that supposed to be normal or really strange? And Azrail wants to go to the lady who cursed him? The same lady who is evil? Hmm, this is getting interesting...


And still, it didn’t feel right.

“Are you sure Cassidy is here? It’s been centuries, why would she be alive?” Melanie asked.

“I didn’t say that she is alive.” Azrail said.

Melanie ran her hand through the leaking walls. It didn’t seem much. Why would Azrail want to come to Cassidy’s house?

She saw something flicker in the halls.

You're right, Melanie, it doesn't feel right. It feels really, really wrong.
And Cassidy's not alive anymore? I did not expect that. But wait...
Is she a vampire too? Or was she a witch? Because if she somehow turns out to be a vampire, it shouldn't be strange that she's not alive anymore, right?
And now the flickering thing in the hall, not... creepy... at... all?
I am so into this story.


This part of your mind-blowing story is also well written and your use of words is simple yet captivating, describing each scene exactly as if you could just imagine it happening.
The fact that you cut some scenes and split others helps to understand the story better, and it also helps that you don't have to explain every single thing literally.

I'm not sure if you know this already, but there's another advantage to cutting scenes. One that helps a lot in keeping your readers in suspense and mystery. And as a writer I just love to do that.

So here you have it, "A Fellow Writer's Tip":
If you're writing about something strange that's going to play a big part in the story later as a twist or dark turn, you can write the obvious part where you explain a few things the reader needs to know to understand the twist later, but not reveal much to make the twist predictable. And then you just cut the scene or stop at the part where the reader is most likely to be wondering, "Did the character accept the antagonist's tempting proposal?" or "Did the antagonist actually die?"


As always, I enjoy reading your stories. I would say that you are truly a magician, creating unique and mysterious novels with just the tip of your wand and pulling incredible and intriguing characters out of your big black hat. You are a very talented writer with a big imagination. Chapeau!

Me,

Red Riddle Rose





Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and the shadows will fall beyond you.
— Walt Whitman