A waste of creation

Very creative. I love the first stanza the most. If I were a pessimist, I would agree with your views on the poem. But this is good reading fun.

I like this a lot! It's full of that "raw" emotion!

Here's a minor suggestion though:

"Do you know anyone who has? Do you think you're close to finding?"

Close to finding what, exactly? To me, that part just seems incomplete...perhaps modify this part for more clarity, make into a more complete sentence?

Other then that, I really enjoyed this following lines:

"Maybe love will simply fade, like a dying flame. Maybe love will be lost,
with the departion of one's soul, or maybe love will be too much."

Nice imagery right there! Keep up the writing!

Thanks edited it now, at least I think ( I don't mean I can't remember, I mean- oh.. :/) anyway I didn't think it was that good so, @Snoink it's nothing personal to me I just get words that I like and turn them around - positive=negative negative=positve, stuff like that.

~ Tinkem

tinkembell wrote:There are no Happily Ever Afters, Fairy Tale Endings, or Once Upon a Times,
if in reality there is no true love; it is only in myths, stories and rhymes. So is this line the direct result of the line before? To me, it doesn't seem to be so. You can still relate these sentences, but just use a different word than "if."
Have you actually found the One? Do you think you ever will? A bit too straightforward for my taste....
Do you know anyone who has? Do you think your close to finding? What happened to the rhyming?
Or is it merely a hope, deep within your being, that oneday, someday... Good line.
he'll be there for you, waiting, thinking, wanting to say; I'm sure that there is a better word than "wanting."
I love you?

Say you have, you've found true love, you have your soulmate, Does the "say you have" imply only a possible scenario in which the subject of the poem has found her soulmate? If so, I would restate this.
he'll only leave you, cold and alone, wondering why this is your fate. The way this is written, it sounds like the soulmate is wondering this.
Maybe love will simply fade, like a dying flame. Maybe love will be lost, Excellent. Do more of this.
with the departion of one's soul, or maybe love will be too much. Maybe it would sound better to say "within" instead of "with." I dunno, just a suggestion
Love will never work: the creation was pointless , a waste of emotion, I don't know if you should refer to love as a "creation...."
a feeling of disapointment, of emptiness, too much comotion. Somehow "emptiness" and "comotion" just don't seem to fit together in my mind.
He'll never say the words. Nice.

it is good indeed, as said before, gramar and spelling could be checked, but besides that, great job. i liked it because it is fluent and show's the true nature of speech (just like free verse should do). i would try maybe doing some improvements to the structure and to the rhytm.

Hm... this may be just me, but I am pretty curious as to why this poem came out. It seems pretty confrontational (which I like!) and I am quite curious as to the personal experiences. And yes, I am pretty nosy!

Anyway, my main comment is I think the second stanza can be even more confrontational than you have it. Right now, it kind of ends on a soft note, but I think you can really push it to the limit and it'll be much better as a result.

Just a thought! I do like this, however.

Comotion=Commotion. Just pointing that out.
I like how in the center of each stanza, it doesn't rhyme, and it forces the reader to focus on the true meaning of the poem. To me, it slows me down slightly, and gives me time to contemplate. Very creative. Thanks for sharing.

~Panda;;

There are no Happily Ever Afters, Fairy Tale Endings, or Once Upon a Times,
if in reality there is no true love, only in myths, stories and rhymes. I loved this line!
Have you actually found the One? Do you think you ever will?
Do you know anyone who has? Do you think your close to finding? You should change the "your" in this to "you're."
Or is it merely a hope, deep within your being, that oneday, someday...
he'll be there for you, waiting, thinking, wanting to say;
I love you?

Say you have, you've found true love, you have your soulmate,he'll only leave you, cold and alone, wondering why this is your fate.Maybe love will simply fade, like a dying flame. Maybe love will be lost,with the departion of ones soul, The "ones" should be "one's."
or maybe love will be too much. Love will never work, the creation was pointless , a waste of emotion,a feeling of disapointment, of emptiness, too much comotion.
He'll never say the words.