You were...

Great job as always I loved it!!!! So simple and so awesome. There's a song kind of like this actually, all about the whole "you're the ______ to my _____". I'm definitely no poetry expert but I loved it!

I adore this piece! I think that sometimes shorter poems are much more effective then longer poems. I really enjoyed how simplistic but effective this is. I enjoyed that you did not use common phrases for the most part but went out of the box. Keep writing- Tori

Hey Thetraveler! Dogs here with my grand return to YWS making my very first review in a long time! Ok so to start off this is a good poem with a great idea and they're are aspects that I really love about this, but there are a few problems I do have. But firstly I really love how you didn't capitalize the first letter of every line, I really don't like that style of writing and it is constantly used but good for you there! Anyways my biggest problem I have with this poem is that it is so short, don't get me wrong there is nothing bad about short poems but they are, in my mind, the hardest to write. In a short poem you need to get a complex idea across in a short amount of words while making it flow well while stuffing it with imagery, description, and all that jazz.

So firstly, the thing I really wanted to see more of in this poem Is imagery. That is my favorite category of writing out of the three main writing categories. It's also probably the most common and because this is a poem about you getting your heart broken you might want to put so more emotional writing in there. When you are writing an emotional piece it is your goal and job as the writer to make the reader feel what you or your character is feeling in the poem, I want to feel my heart break for this poor girl (or guy either or I don't really know lol).

So a good way of doing that is by adding in some parts about what you guys were like before you broke up. I would suggest you add in a purely imagery stanza in there, describing how you guys would do romantic things like run in a meadow with the gleaming sun or something like that. Just to strongly establish to the reader how much you live this guy/girl. By doing that you create a bridge into the next part of your poem where he/she leaves and it breaks your heart. Also you can make an imagery contrast for when he leaves. Describe the scene now as he has left you and in direct contrast to the what it was like when he was there, so say you take the meadow and sun image now when he leaves you describe maybe being alone in the dark with cold's greedy hands biting at your face.

So all and all this poem is good and there is nothing at all grammatically wrong with your writing and I wouldn't change anything in the 2 stanzas you have already, I just suggest you add on some more. Well keep up the good work!


TuckEr EllsworTh