A Detective Worth Your Money
So you’re looking for a detective
One who’s not ever been beat?
I’ll tell you where to look, mate
Try 221b Baker Street
He’s the finest on the planet,
Yessir, he’s mighty good
He solves crime better than the others
(Though Scotland Yard wishes they could)
His intellegence is truly astounding;
I never met a man so smart
He knows everything there is to know,
From violin, to bees, to art
But he’s at his most incredible
When he applies his knowledge to crime
He can deduce from the subtlest of clues
Your riddle will be solved in no time
And he also comes with a bonus;
A helpful doctor friend
While your man does all the thinking,
His assistiant sees you through to the end
You need him to keep a secret?
Just tell him so at the start.
He’ll swear his live to secrecy
He’ll never tell any part
This man is also agile,
He boxes, fences, and shoots
So he isn’t only smart
But he’s also fair in riding boots
He enjoys his job quite thoroughly,
With his Doctor at his heels,
Together they solve all the criminals
And at very reasonable deals
You have just one question:
Who are these men, you say?
Sherlock Holmes and Watson,
Are here to save the day.
This poem was really great! I enjoyed reading it and I found it interesting, had good humor creative and it seems like you put a lot of thought and effort into writing this piece of poetry.
I haven't got much to critique on this so this will be a very short review.
As much as I loved it there were some moments when you went off rhythm but there weren't many of those.
And he also comes with a bonus;
A helpful doctor friend
While your man does all the thinking,
His assistiant sees you through to the end
Here you misspelled "assistant" remember to spell-check.
You need him to keep a secret?
Just tell him so at the start.
He’ll swear his live to secrecy
He’ll never tell any part
The second line feels a bit off to me anyways, I'd just remove the word "so."
That's all i have to say really so keep writing and well done
-Infinity x
Hey, Trav!
This was a refreshing piece to read and I enjoyed it. Your play with words is nice and the flow goes along quite smoothly. I'm already a fan of Sherlock Holmes so you had me in all along.
Having said that, I think you need to work on your syllable count and rhyming. I just love rhyming poems. And when they are done correctly, the entire poem itself becomes magical to read and lends an immense and immersive experience to the reader. The rhyming structure is brilliant. And indeed one of my favourite ones to use for myself.
You could have reduced the fillers in the lines. Well, they aren't exactly fillers, but they do prolongue the line and hinder interest as the end when the line actually does rhyme. For example:
He's at his most incredible
when about to face a crime.
The subtlest clues he will deduce.
Your riddle, solved in no time.
I think there is a lot more you've got to give and I'm looking forward to reading more from you. This is a great piece and I would love for you to keep the ink flowing!
Murtuza
Thank you so much! I really agree, some of my lines were fillers...
I'll edit it later
OOOOH! SHERLOCK HOLMES! WATSON!IIIII I love those two! It's the first time I've actually seen a poem on them so kudos to you. I think it was very well written and an enjoyable poem to read all the way through. It's creative and entertaining. Thanks for sharing!
teehee.. Thanks!
This is so funny! It's really good, no wonder you got published. Keep writing, I'd love to read more of your work.
Thanks! You're really too kind..... (yeesh. I cannot take compliments.....)
Have you written anything? I'd LOVE to read it!
This was a poem I wrote, kinda by accident, and managed to get myself published for it!
Here's a link to the place where you can buy the book:
http://www.bookdepository.com/Sherlocks ... 1780922256
Cheers,
Trav