Noise

I can't believe no one notice my allusion to Sinnerman...? Am I the only one who knospws such good music?

Hello Travaler! Dogs here with your second review of the day! Oh btw I posted a review on your romantic poem if you ever want to check that out. Anywho In my personal opinion this is a very strong poem with great imagery. Alfredsymon has picked up on the biggest points so I'll add in a little bit.

So building off of your comment to "just so ninja", You do not have to use rhyming in any of your poetry. Sometimes rhyming can make it stronger but in this kind of free-verse style of writing it will definitely be best for no rhyming. So I like how you start a kind of pattern in your first few stanzas with a sound followed up by some fantastic imagery. I really like that, in most cases I don't like those kinds of patterns in poetry, I prefer a little bit of randomness in writing but you pull it off very well so props to you.

Basically my only criticism is about the grammar. As always it is your poetry and it is up to you if you want to use grammar or not in your poems but I believe it makes it flow better, look better, and sound stronger when you read it out loud. So for example try doing something like:

"And then there is a silence
after all this noise.
All ears aching for something
made by the beasts and girls and boys"

There were some minor grammar errors but they were pretty minor and some of them added to the poem. You kind of throw in a sense of choppiness into this poem which is my favorite part, it really adds to the poem which makes it really good.

My final criticism is when you say:

"Song
Nervously sung
to the listeners of the world"

This stanza buggs me a little, firstly because song and sung are 2 much alike and are used in 2 close of proximity and it throws off the rhythm, what I was looking for here was a more imagery part. So maybe talk about how a song, sung by timid voice slicing threw the cold winter air. Something similar to that. But of course it's all ur decision.


Well Thats all I really have to say. All and all this is a great poem! Keep up the good work!!!!


TuckEr EllsworTh

Hey The Traveler! Alfred here! So, I read the thread below and I see that you don't seem to like critiques. Do remember that reviews are very important for a piece, whether fiction or non. It won't only make your piece better, but it can help you develop, too, as a writer. Anyways, I'll give you a Quick Critique! For any questions on the types of reviews I give, check the link at my signature.

Concept & Theme:
Wowee! I love the concept your poem developed! It seems that each heading from each stanza is a title, and yet, it stands as a verse itself. It sounded as a whisper. A small glance over the world. A rare sight.I really love the way it flows, dear! Great theme, too. You stated the wonders of the simple things we have in life.

Technicalities:
This is the area where I'll state any grammatical, spelling and sensual confusions induced by your piece. The only thing which I noticed is the concrete presentation of the piece. You have a great concept and idea, dear! And honestly, I love how the piece was told. It was simple and clear. The simplicity's a great point, the clear wasn't much.
Clarity, perhaps, appears to those readers who really appreciate the text. The poem here is greatly told, but it lacks (yes, lack there of so ) a bit of depth. Lyricists are the usual poets who deepens their pieces very much. I'm not telling you to edit your piece. It's realy great on its own It's just that I think it can be better. How? Check the section below.

Imagery:
Actually, the words you wrote per se has a lot of imagery on its own. But as I've said above, it can really help you. Firstly, interchanging the structure of verses can act as convention and adds depth. Secondly, the word choice. Words like 'that' and the like are words that are best used in statements, not in reflections. It's better to shorten verses or even expand them without using these 'glue' words. Try picking words that are both uncommon and very vivid. Thirdly and most importantly is the Figures of Speech. The Figures of Speech are techniques used by writers either to hide real meanings or simply make them beautiful. Usage of figures of speech can really make any piece, prose or poetry, creative. There are a lot of them! Just try checking them on the net!

That's all I can say for your Quick Critique! I hope I helped a lot! Your poem is one of the best I've read so far, and so it receives:

Overall:

Great work! Keep on writing, dear traveler!

Your Quick Critique,
Al

Awesome job! I like how each word had a unique and simple definition, I think it really added to the poem! The vocabulary range was also excellent. Keep it up!